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Mother Nature To Cornellians: Fuck You. All Of You.
SNOW IN OCTOBER?! MORE »
Freshman Finally Finds Opportunity To Use Condom Stored In His Wallet Since Seventh Grade
While September 21 was an ordinary day for most of us, twenty three seconds made that day extraordinary for one Cornell University freshman. September 21 marks the day young Joseph Bemlin lost his Virginity. The young collegiate recalls spending the night consuming alcoholic drinks with his friends at a fraternity event. While Joe had said... MORE »
Cornell Beats Bucknell In Stunning Homecoming Victory””Cornellians Too Busy Studying To Attend
Yesterday, on an ordinary crisp autumn day, twelve Cornellian’s witnessed a miracle. That miracle being Cornell’s first football win in over seventy two consecutive years. In their premier homecoming game, Cornell’s team reigned victorious over Bucknell in a 24-13 win. Coach Kent Austin was both ” ecstatic” and “humbled” by the astonishing win. Unfortunately, with about 97 percent of... MORE »
Skorton Declares War On Friendship””Ends Pledging
In an effort to set a national precedent, Cornell University President David Skorton has vowed to put an end to fraternity pledging. In his Op Ed article published by the NY Times, Skorton outlined his plan to end hazing and replace the pledging period with a more positive initiation term. Cornell has been the site of... MORE »
Cornell’s World Renown Human Bonding Lab Reveals That “Sex Feels Good”
This weekend Cornell’s own Dr. Stephen Knight attended a local human bonding and biology conference where the esteemed professor touted his laboratory’s most recent discovery: “Sex Feels Good”. The world renown scientist and nobel laureate studied human physiology in conjunction with psychological profiles to gauge whether sex provided young men and... MORE »
Cornell Administrators Forget Annual Child Sacrifice: Mother Nature Not Pleased
Cornellians were quite upset this morning when they woke up to clouds showering snow. Many students who thought winter ended in march were displeased by the inclement weather on the Hill. In an attempt to dissuade prospective students from worrying about the weather, Day Hall in conjunction with the Department of... MORE »