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Coke Legend Stuck In Carbon Freeze?
Legends don't die. They get carbon froze...freezed?...frozened?...frozen in carbonate.
Justice Served up Cold!
As a young “reporter” in today’s disgusting world, finding an awful and tragic story, really, is not that difficult. Despite all the bloodshed and unsettling events that occur constantly, there is no event more unsettling, one so revoltingly immoral, than one found right here on Emory’s campus. For half of the Emory Community that is... MORE »
“I love Cox”
“I love Cox” Emory students, please be careful about what you say on campus. Statements can be easily misinterpreted. Listed below are pointers that will help prevent you from embarrassing yourself on campus. 1) Ladies, please be careful about how you phrase things while eating at Cox Hall. DO NOT say “I am going to... MORE »
Don’t want to work on whatever you haven’t started yet? Keep Reading!
A recent survey has shown that procrastination is the key to success (procrastinationrocks.com.) How one can become a master procrastinator is the million dollar question. Listed below are ten helpful tips to prevent you from reaching your goals! And relax! If you are reading this article you are most likely well on your way to... MORE »
ADMIRAL INCREDIBOSS’S ADVICE COLUMN. NOW WITH TWICE AS MUCH ADVICE AND THREE TIMES THE INCREDIBOSS
Dear Admiral Incrediboss, I have trouble getting myself out of bed in the mornings to go to class. I have an alarm, but whenever it goes off I get up, open my window, hurl the alarm clock out and resume sleeping. Once my roommate tried to wake me up and I swear I did my... MORE »
Taco Strategy
Emory University students and staff set the record for the longest line of tacos by making 260 tacos. What is the importance of holding this record? While at first this record might seem completely irrelevant and incredibly stupid, one has to look deeper to find the two enormous benefits it will have. First, making the... MORE »
Emory Buildings Found To Be “Penis Provoking”
“Some things are penis provoking.” Excuse me? In what rational, sane, university appropriate conversation would someone say that? Apparently in one that takes place at Emory, because that’s where I heard it. But why would someone say this? Don’t worry, I did some serious, undercover investigating, and I figured this one out for you. Let... MORE »
Clairmont Tower Shower Power
Those of you like me who live in the Clairmont Tower are familiar by now with the water temperature woes that characterize our wretched existence. At any given time, all the water in the building is either colder than Hoth or hotter than the inside of a tauntaun on Mustafar. That’s a problem when you’re... MORE »
Usher Revives Goizueta Business School!
Goizueta is ranked third among business schools across the country. This leads to the obvious question, what is preventing us from being number one? As a BBA student here at Emory, I have always felt that something is missing in the curriculum. Sure you can concentrate in finance, accounting, and all that other good stuff.... MORE »
Taking Back March for the Men
Over the past couple of days, the women’s basketball tournament has been getting a lot of media attention. I don’t have anything against women’s basketball, but if they really wanted me to watch, they wouldn’t force all the girls to wear sports bras while they played. Come on, if you can’t dunk, you have to... MORE »
One Month Later Emory Still Bitter At BCS
On January 9th, the Alabama Crimson Tide rode an historic defensive performance to a 21-0 rout of the LSU Tigers, and an unquestionable claim to the national championship. One month later, students at Emory are still irked by the stubbornness of the BCS committee. “I can’t believe this,” spoke out one student, who asked to... MORE »
Taking Back March for the Men
Over the past couple of days, the women’s basketball tournament has been getting a lot of media attention. I don’t have anything against women’s basketball, but if they really wanted me to watch, they wouldn’t force all the girls to wear sports bras while they played. Come on, if you can’t dunk, you have to... MORE »
The Girl With The Oral Fixation
Dear girl with headphones and a severe oral fixation, Can you ever leave your mouth alone? You’re either biting the nails on your left hand, covering your mouth with your palm, or biting the nails on your right hand, as if biting the ones on your left hand simply wasn’t disgusting enough. Seriously, they have... MORE »
Emory Buildings Found To Be “Penis Provoking”
“Some things are penis provoking.” Excuse me? In what rational, sane, university appropriate conversation would someone say that? Apparently in one that takes place at Emory, because that’s where I heard it. But why would someone say this? Don’t worry, I did some serious, undercover investigating, and I figured this one out for you. Let... MORE »
STDs Hit Emory Hard
Sometimes I wonder if it’s really all that healthy for me to be going to school next to the CDC (Center for Disease Control). All of my friends have been getting sick! (None of which will be mentioned in this article for the purpose of anonymity…and because, of course, I don’t actually have any friends…*sigh*... MORE »
One Month Later Emory Still Bitter At BCS
On January 9th, the Alabama Crimson Tide rode an historic defensive performance to a 21-0 rout of the LSU Tigers, and an unquestionable claim to the national championship. One month later, students at Emory are still irked by the stubbornness of the BCS committee. “I can’t believe this,” spoke out one student, who asked to... MORE »