During an emotional senior night at the University at Buffalo’s Alumni Arena, a bittersweet victory over Miami (of Ohio, not the REAL Miami) seemed in some sort lacking.  It could have been from the recent movement towards the upheaval of Middle Eastern dictators, or the recent heroin busts throughout the city, causing extreme anxiety for any member of the Smash Club to get their fix.  It probably was both.  But on top of that, dedicated UB fans stood in deep confusion over spouse and co-mascot Victoria S. Bull, and as you may know when UB fans get confused, UB fans get angry. 

Despite recent controversy, Victor S. Bull, the longtime mascot and face of the University at Buffalo, stood proud beside his longtime companion and muse, assuring the public that however their love were to be defined, they will continue to strive under their strong bond. Victoria, though stood silent as her life partner defended them  both.  Some believe she was speechless, others thought of her to be simply protecting herself, as questions  such as “How can a Bull be a female?”  and “How long will UB’s female athletes be misrepresented?” poured out of reporters like urine on top of a sixteen year old girl from the phallus of the almighty R. Kelly himself.  Although both mascots refuse to comment on the charges against Victoria, which include a misrepresentation of herself on her resume, she stands by the fact that no matter what science or society may think, she has always stood loyal to Buffalo, despite an uncompromised unpopularity when compared to her male, legitimate counterpart.

When asked about recent investigation, women’s studies major Shelly O’Donnell expressed an extreme sense of disgust, calling the administration “Appalling, intolerant pigs who only care about their chauvinistic views on the University environment.”  When she was later told that the mascot was indeed a blue transvestite bull, composed of artificial materials, O’Donnell was immediately turned off the subject, and was seen walking towards Amy’s place for a falafel sandwich.

When another student, junior political science major Donald McDonald was approached with similar inquiries about the mascot, he simply responded “We have a girl mascot too? Good thing, ol’ Vic there has had blue balls for damn near half a century, he needs to get laid more than my Global history teacher, and trust me, that woman needs to get laid.”

Don’t we all, Donald. Don’t we all.