Finals suck. Everyone spends all week in the library, cracked out on adderall, emailing study guides, drinking energy drinks, cracked out on adderall, downloading new study music, and getting grades that don’t quite cut it (while cracked out on adderall).

But the under-the-radar, shittier version of finals is midterms. Why? Because I’ve got shit to do right now. Everyone has midterms different days of the week. So everyone’s still going out. March Madness is about to kick in, spring break is on the horizon, and its shadily getting pretty warm outside. Midterms almost count as much as finals, so here’s where shit gets complicated. I know you’re all doing way too much important (drinking, xbox, youjizz etc) to do the readings and study. However, I have a step by step plan, created especially for your personal, miserable midterm situation:

Note: Each situation is made under the concept that your midterm is within the next 48 hours.

Situation 1: I go to class but don’t read the shit im supposed to:

What to do: Sparknotes usually can’t solve your problems in college. I would go with send a mass email to your class list (found on school academic website usually) saying that you recently came out of your coma and that you need all the notes. Or as a weak alternative: skim everything, take study drugs, and cross your fingers.

Situation 2: I go to class, but I bring my laptop and don’t pay attention to the lecture:

This is my go-to. Find a textbook, write down anything important you can find, and then read it over. Typing stuff out makes you memorize it.

Situation 3: I go to class, pay attention, but don’t understand the material:

Either the class is really hard or you’re fucking stupid. Assuming the class is hard… hit up the teacher’s office hours asap. Ask them questions and they’ll basically show you how to do the work. Plus, they hook up the “bump” (moving from that B+ to A-) if they actually recognize who you are.

Situation 4: I don’t go to class, I read what I’m supposed to sometimes

Make sure you know where that class is. I encountered this problem in an ECON class I took and went to the wrong building on a day of an exam. Most shit on tests is from the book so you’re fine. No other way around it.

Situation 5: I don’t go to class, I don’t read what I’m supposed to, and I’m high right now but the test is soon:

Order some D.P. Dough, roll into the health center in the AM and tell them you have that stomach virus that everyone’s getting. Then ask one of your bros what was on the test. Good luck.