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Because I'm not hot enough to get back at my parents with promiscuity.
March 19, 2012

Study: anyone who has eaten red meat ever died or probably will soon

In recent weeks, multiple studies have been published and widely publicized about how Red Meat relates to the mortality rate of those who consume it. The study showed that eating unprocessed Red Meat raised the mortality risk by 13% and processed by 20%. However, yesterday a far more troubling study was released: the mortality rate... MORE »

March 19, 2012

A plea to the NCAA Selection Committee

Dear NCAA Selection Committee, I know on paper we might not look that impressive. I know that our out of conference schedule wasn’t as good as some of our competitors, but don’t sleep on SEMO. Regardless, I think we did pretty alright. We beat some good teams on our way to a Big XII tournament... MORE »

March 1, 2012

Swiss sues Cheddar for child support

This year marks the 340th birthday of American cheese. Instead of celebrating however, the attention of American cheese and all those who love it will be centered about the ongoing court case between Americanâ??s long divorced parents, Swiss and Cheddar. â??I thought things had settled down,â? American said. â??I was so sure that Iâ??d be... MORE »

February 24, 2012

Student section to be switched with visiting section at Faurot Field in 2012

On Monday, Athletic Director Mike Alden announced that, due to MU’s move to the Southeastern Conference, some things had to change at Faurot Field. These changing included moving Marching Mizzou and changing the text in the end zones from “Missouri” to “Mizzou”. While most changes were relatively benign, one change carried a much bigger weight:... MORE »

February 10, 2012

Newspaper changes from Maneater to Personeater to remove gender bias

The Maneater, the award-winning student newspaper at the University of Missouri, has long been a place for talented and likely-to-be-successful journalists to collaborate with mediocre writers whose hearts will eventually be broken. Unfortunately for the paper, the name, which has been theirs for over 50 years has recently come under heavy fire from the Women’s... MORE »

January 28, 2012

Santorum embraces innuendo, runs on platform of sodomy

Despite Rick Santorum’s surprising victory in the Iowa caucuses, his campaign has lacked the same spark that some of his competitors had, like Rick Perry’s Brokeback Mountain homage or Newt Gingrich’s slew of ex-wives. But there was an opening. A Santorum is not just the last name of a presidential candidate, but the name for... MORE »

January 19, 2012

Cheaters, plagiarists fear SOPA will censor essays

The Internet flexed its big, manly muscles at Congress yesterday as many popular sites blacked out in the middle of the week, which happens to the best of us. Their “protests” were meant to warn and inform citizens of the dangers of SOPA and PIPA, two bills currently being discussed that are meant to protect... MORE »

December 27, 2011

10 Things to Do Over Winter Break (Mizzou)

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! Congratulations. You’ve passed go, collected your GPA and proceeded to your former stomping grounds known as your “hometown”. But because you won’t have any “studying” to... MORE »

December 9, 2011

Campus Dining to transform Baja Grill in 2012

Few things are more mediocre than Campus Dining. Their standards are low, and as long as less than 30% of the students contract salmonella, all is generally well. The food is to remain edible and the service staff are to wash their hands most of the time after using the rest room. But past that,... MORE »