In a freak accident caused by a long-overlooked accounting error, Shana Piznik “14 was awarded 300 million dorms in the housing lottery this Friday. Most students at Brandeis receive only one housing designation.
The mix-up has been traced to a clerical error made by Department of Community Living accountant Harry Loewenthal “53, before he went on an extended vacation 11 years ago.
Piznik, however, is overjoyed at her newfound successes. “My daddy won the lottery back at Alabama State in 1979, but he lost damn near 200 million of his dorms at Mardi Gras that year. I ain’t gonna make the same mistakes,” the junior said. “My daddy is a silly, silly man.”
Piznik reportedly checked the box on the Department of Community Living’s website using her iPhone while purchasing Ben and Jerry’s Late Night Snack at the Village Market. Village Market attendant Michael Greelan, 34, was there at the time of the box check.
“Yeah, she did it right over there,” Greelan said, indicating the frozen goods aisle. “Should be that I get some of those dorms too. Wish the DCL would come rescue me.”
When asked for further comment, Piznik was too busy receiving massive amounts of oral niceties from potential Ridgewood C suitemates to respond.