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Student Asks Question To Prove He Doesn’t Need To Do So
As the second week of the semester closes, the material being covered in classes is finally starting to touch outside the realm of common sense. As we roll into week three the girl getting over some weight issues who just got her fake ID will once again be easier than your classes, and all will... MORE »
Cool College Guy Claims He’s Really Into Sports And Having Sex With Women
Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »
5 Reasons To Celebrate the Rain
Finally. After several weeks in the high 80s to mid 90s, the LA weather forecast not only dropped down to the usual 70s, but predicted scattered thunderstorms with a 50% chance of rain for this Thursday, otherwise known as tomorrow. “Aw man!” exclaimed some lame guy in Ray Bans next to me upon hearing the... MORE »
Student Stops Sleeping for Finals
Jason Mandelbaum, a freshman engineering student, knows the value of a good night’s sleep, or lack there of. That’s because he is currently embarking on a marathon of sorts, albeit one that requires little training above knowing how to open a can of Red Bull. The life of an engineer in training is not an... MORE »
Graduating student realizes she missed the “weird hair window”
“I never thought I’d be someone who DIDN’t cut half my hair off and dye it red,” says Elle, a grad student finishing school in May. She has recently realized what many students do – there’s a small window in which to experiment with extreme hairstyles, after which being taken seriously by the squarer members... MORE »
21-year-old can finally drink in bars, can’t afford to drink in bars
“I’m not ordering cocktails made of gold!” yelled one SC senior as he was escorted out of a busy downtown bar last night. “Do they come off-brand?? Do you do payment plans?!” He is just one of many students whose long-awaited 21st birthdays quickly tanked due to bar-drink sticker shock. “Fifteen bucks is either a bottle... MORE »
BREAKING: Guy who doesn’t chip in thought beer was free
“It’s like when I found out Santa wasn’t real, all over again,” says Ross*, a junior who hasn’t put a dime toward beer the three years he’s been drinking it. “When I think back to all the shotgunning, all the beer pong… Even the victories feel like shame.” The frequent party host who broke the... MORE »
USC Ruins Movies, Devastates Writer
USC has ruined movies* for me. Despite being a film major, it wasn’t the School of Cinematic Arts that destroyed the mirage Hollywood created in my pre-college days. Instead, I hold Bovard, Trousdale, Doheny, and VKC accountable. Hell, even Taper and GFS had a hand in killing the magic of movies. I present to you... MORE »
LOCAL NONSTUDENT COLUMN: Why Can’t It Be Quiet at 11PM on Saturdays?
Hello! I live two blocks off campus, I’m not a student and I call the LAPD about your noise more often than I talk to any actual people. You may be thinking, “Aw, man! What gives?” and I’d like the chance to explain! It may not be clear why I need weeknight quiet to my... MORE »