In a study recently done by a renown Cornell professor (Dr Moss, most likely?), it has been proven that the discrepancy between mediocrity of looks at Cornell and sluttiness of a girls costume actually does not equate to more sex given (read: more whorish â‰   more put-out).

One guy, sir Baby McDiaperton, said “I thought having my junk displayed would give girls a get-what-you-see mentality and thus make some of them want my above-average genitalia. I mean, granted I was stuffing my diaper with a pair of tube socks, but still babes gotta go for that shit, right?” Sir McDiaperton did not hook up, unfortunately.
“Well, I assumed that people would hit on me because of my rockin T’s”, a DD muffin said, “but as soon as they drunkenly grabbed them gals, they looked at my face and lost interest. At least I bagged one sweet guy who couldn’t tell the difference. He also is technically legally blind”. The two are currently living happily ever after in her pony-decorated bedroom (the guy has not yet put on his glasses).
Another girl, Ellie, was using this night to look for her soulmate. “I swear to god, if anybody on campus will be the jacob to my bella, I will marry them immediately.” Unfortunately for her, I am in fact a ship captain, and i actually married her to the nerd version of jacob (way to go, Seamus!). Best of luck to both of you!
– Smalls
Also, if you see someone running around in a chicken suit, that’s probably me