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Hello adoring and overwhelmingly generous fans, Thank you for stopping by on this most delightful part of the site; my profile. Here you will find unparalleled ways to stalk wonderful ole me via social media and the interblag. Please don't hesitate to do so. <3 In the meantime, check our my plethora of articles ranging on topics from Starcraft to Starbucks at the glorious Syracusean campus!
April 24, 2012

Hillary Clinton visits campus; SU jizzes itself

Well unless you’ve managed to block Twitter, Facebook, RSS Feeds (do people still use these?), your school email, OTN, the DO, and the bulletin boards around campus in an effort to increase your pre-finals productivity (LOLZ jk, we see through your attempts), then here’s the scoop: Today, at 12pm, in Hendricks Chapel, Hillary Clinton provided... MORE »

April 16, 2012

How the evil universe views college students

Dear non-seniors, It has come to our attention that the most recently graduating class of 2012 did not pay enough for college. While most SU students spent approximately $200,000 on their education, we now deem this is not enough. (Which honestly surprised us – we originally anticipated that charging students roughly $20 per meal at... MORE »

April 10, 2012

Otherwise aimless students find self-purpose in dissent against UU

Ah, college. Since freshman year, we’ve been surrounded by so many resources, so many options. So many minds filled with thoughts of wonder, inspiration, and encouragement to make the future world a better world by saving the seals, protecting the rainforests, fighting for gender equality, or simply convincing people to switch to CFL light bulbs.... MORE »

April 3, 2012

Students prepare for re-release of Titanic with nauseating techniques

“She won’t stop singing,” says Maxwell Tully, junior in Whitman and boyfriend of Rachel Lough who recently purchased a boombox circa 1997 and the original Titanic soundtrack and has been belting Celine Dion for the past two weeks straight. “I clearly couldn’t use my iPod,” Lough says, “they didn’t exist in 1997 – YOU’RE HEEERREEE!... MORE »

March 26, 2012

Students Mourn Tournament Loss with “Mad Men” Premiere

“I couldn’t stop grieving,” Sam Bolindy said, Chucks pitcher still in hand since Saturday night. “I needed to ease my pain. I knew I had to move on, but I didn’t know how.” And that’s when Bolindy traded his pitcher of $4 beer in for an Old Fashioned early Sunday and drowned his sorrows in... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Victims of Instagram cite disappointment with spring break photos as symptom

“I was having the time of my life, yknow? Off on the beaches of Puerto Rico, thinking all these inevitably gorgeous pictures I am taking will surely come out wonderfully…And then, I looked back at them and I couldn’t believe my eyes.” What junior Felicity Coughman is describing is a recent affliction among iPhone/iPad and... MORE »

March 17, 2012

Three reasons drinking alone is better than going to a bar on Marshall St

I’d like to state that I am not an alcoholic. But I do like a good drink. What I don’t like is going down to DJs/Chucks/Lucys/Flip Night and waiting for seemingly decades to get to the bar only to find out their drink selection is based on lackluster liquor and even shittier beer. Why bother?... MORE »

February 27, 2012

Cuse Weekend in a Box!

Feeling like you really want to head to the bars this weekend but don’t have the oomph? Can’t justify the trek from Ackerman to Faegans in the chilly temps? Wish you could simply have the Chucks experience in your living room? Then fear no more ““ Campus Basement is here to service you (and your... MORE »

February 20, 2012

After dining hall prices increase, students expect Marshall St cuisine in Ernie Davis

If you thought school was expensive when you enrolled at Syracuse University, think again – the prices have just gone up. Meal plans are slated to average $3,120 per 14 week semester for the 2012-2013academic year. “I did the math,” sophomore Jeremy Lukeidis said. “If I could spend the money on the food I want... MORE »