Team 31 would like to formally apologize to Student Life and any other student organization that advertised that Wolfgang Gartner would be coming to WILD.
“The truth is, we actually wanted to approach WILD differently this year. Nobody ever likes the bands, but everybody likes food, so we pooled the budget and hired Wolfgang Puck to cater in Brookings,” reported Suzy Somebody, president of Team 31.
Robert Rando, on the search committee for Team 31 told us more.
“The pressure to reveal the band was so high that when we finally blurted out ‘Wolfgang’ everyone got a little too excited and assumed we were bringing Wolfgang Gartner. Actually, they originally thought we were bringing Phoenix, like the album Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, but come on, that’s like wayyyy over budget. We would never bring anyone that popular.”
Team 31 has been hesitant to reveal the mishap because they didn’t know who Wolfgang Gartner is.
“This is the first time in a while that the majority of the school has been excited about an artist we were bringing, so we thought that we would ride the wave. Not that we knew who Wolfgang Gartner is. We don’t really do…’house’ music. It’s a little too…blech” said Annie Anybody, chair of publicity.
Regardless, the student body has a lot to celebrate. Gone is the delivery pizza from WILD, here is the gourmet pizza with bourgey-ass toppings. Additionally, Wolfgang Gartner will be serving Team 31 a fifteen course sit-down meal on stage, and everyone in the audience gets to look but can’t taste.
“I guess what we’re trying to say is…we’re actually not sorry. We’re going to feast on WILD and everyone else will get some pizza and be jealous of us. Who wants to join Team 31 now, suckazzzz?” yelled Suzy Somebody.
Us. We do.