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Peter the Pumpkin-Eater Fan Club
For those of you taking full advantage of Olin library being open 24-hours (aka living under a rock), this is an alert: it’s pumpkin season. And I mean besides the whole Halloween, jack o’ lantern thing. It’s time to seriously chow down on some pumpkin-flavored goods. This is a crucial and fleeting time of... MORE »
Binder Sales Surge, Bookstore Profits
Bookstore employees are overwhelmed and perplexed today by a huge surge in binder sales at the university bookstore. Hundreds of students flooded the bookstore this afternoon, violently interrogating employees and knocking down sections of pens and notepads, all in search of women-filled binders. One student demanded a refund for his recently purchased item. He... MORE »
No Fun: Cops Break Up One Person Party
Wash U’s police force, WUPD, reached new levels of strictness on Saturday night, breaking up a one-man party. Fred Fredrickson, a transfer student, was uninformed of WashU’s newly instated “No Fun” policies. The current police state reigning over Wash U’s social circle left Fred alone, confused, but ready to party. “I just didn’t understand why absolutely... MORE »
The WashU Student Body- An Undecided Voting Bloc
Besides the stars and stripes trend in fashion, the Cards making it to October, and our God-given right to buy 64 oz. cups of soda, there is another reason to love AMURRICA. Guilt forces us into a high school gymnasium, patrolled by the local Council on Aging, to check off a box on a sheet... MORE »
Academia Never Sleeps
As the much-anticipated sweater weather season and the equally-exciting midterms season have finally come upon us, the natural habitat of the WashU student has shifted dramatically. On a late night studying for midterms, you might ask yourself, as I do, what is this new territory of academia and imprisonment? Of studies and dungeons? Of all-nighters and... MORE »
So You Want to Design a Sorority Philanthropy Event Tank!
Your sorority is having its annual philanthropy event, and your sisters put you in charge! Wow, what a real opportunity to bring about meaningful change for those afflicted with a terrible disease. Just kidding — it’s tank time betches! Here are 7 easy steps to make sure your sorority’s event tank goes off without a... MORE »
An Entirely Unhelpful Guide to Senior Year Housing
Thinking about getting off-campus housing as a senior? Don’t. The best advice is to quit while you are ahead. But if you are feeling especially determined, read on for the steps to finding your dream (read: poorly furnished and extremely grimy) apartment senior year. When you arrive at school in the fall junior... MORE »
The Seigle Doors Are Too Darn Heavy
You may know Seigle Hall for its towering four-stories of collegiate gothic architecture, its phantom woop-sounds, or its 145,736-square-feet of chest-thumping social science learnin’ space. But let’s face it, on that fraught walk past the bike racks, you’re only thinking one thing about the university’s LEED-certified behemoth: It has irrationally heavy doors. Why must one... MORE »
Team 31 Trying a New Approach to Wild
Team 31 would like to formally apologize to Student Life and any other student organization that advertised that Wolfgang Gartner would be coming to WILD. “The truth is, we actually wanted to approach WILD differently this year. Nobody ever likes the bands, but everybody likes food, so we pooled the budget and hired Wolfgang Puck... MORE »
COEDS IN BEDS- This Is What Dreams Are Made Of (Episode 10)
Have you ever wondered what life is about? We have. MORE »