Every student down at WashU liked Christmas a lot”¦

(Except for the roughly 30% who were apathetic or anti-commercialism.)
But WashU, though its colors are green and red, did NOT!
WashU hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! (Except
for selling holiday-themed paraphernalia at the bookstore.)

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that WashU was taking its non-denominational
status too far. (Seriously? No day off for Yom Kippur either?)
It could be, perhaps, that they did not anticipate that
anyone would need to travel by car.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
is God-forbid the semester were one week shorter, though the
change would be small.
All hell would break loose if that policy were installed.
(Because professors totally want to stay longer too.)

Whatever the reason, be it silly or inane,
WashU prevented students from going home by any other method
than via plane.
Students of science especially suffered and had much to
To be finished on the 21stand get home in time for Christmas, that
is surely not secure!

Staring out from their offices with sour, Grinchy frowns,
These mysterious calendar deciders couldn’t help but look
At the nervous faces of WashU students looking to study and
find a place,
Because at this time of the year in the library there is
absolutely no space.

All the WashU girls and boys,
Would wake up bright and early and rush to enjoy,
The three exams and a paper which they had to complete in a
Because of course I’m only talking about their “midterms”,
their final exams are another story!

They’d study! And they’d study!
And the more WashU thought of the university-wide-concentration
The more WashU thought, “To this we can add an even stronger
“Why before the holidays do the students need time relax
with their loved ones?
We’ll just end the semester right up on the tail of
Christmas, now won’t that be fun?”

And though the real Grinch of the Christmas poem eventually
came around,
We’re not that lucky, because students can still be found
On the WashU campus, till the 22nd or even after
And if they have to drive home, forget it, I’m already
overcome with laughter.

So happy holidays to those who get home on time,
And if you happen to be caught in traffic, whether it be
automotive or through airline,
Just know there are many other students out there with your
same frustration,
And though WashU will give you sushi and automatic waste
bins””it will not, I repeat, will NOT elongate your vacation.