A student currently attending Washington University hates his life. According to reports, he/she spends hours each day thinking up the cleverest comments possible to distract himself from his/her own self-hatred, including “You’re not funny” and “This isn’t funny.”

This student was last seen playing World of Warcraft. And he is NOT Chuck Norris. It has also been stated by sources close to the person that he/she likes 2000s Adam Sandler more than ’90s Adam Sandler, and that he/she finds puppies, baby bears, kittens, babies, love, and Justin Bieber to be abominations, but does enjoy Fox News, Two Broke Girls, and is excited for the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.

If anyone knows who this person is, please offer him/her a hug and the business card of a very, very good psychiatrist.

remember: you can change your email address, but your ip address always stays the same.