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Staff Writers Hangin’ out
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Posting Your Article: The Emotional Turmoil of a Campus Basement Writer
Writers for Campus Basement are kind of similar to that Vietnamese prostitute I met while backpacking in Southeast Asia”¦we are constantly getting pissed on. “Are you honestly going to continue using my wall as advertising space?” asks my Grandma. “Yes Grammy, I am. And you know what else, I think your crocheting is overrated”¦yeah, I... MORE »
THE FACE: My attempt to shake up Wash U’s Social Life
Do you see something off about this photograph? Do you merely recognize some co-eds have a good time, enjoying a pregame before Linus, a large off-campus philanthropic party? Or do you spot something lurking in the back? A strange, slightly upsetting expression. A dark hole of rebellion. It’s THE FACE. Here is my brief,... MORE »
Funding Exposed: Tulip Mania is Our Fault.
Breaking news. After an upheaval from undergraduates regarding WashUâ??s superfluous spending, Chancellor Wrighton held a press conference to clarify where tuition money is going. Most of this chaos is surrounding the annual â??Tulip Maniaâ?. For all of the froshies that have yet to witness this phenomenon and think that gothic architecture and top tier education... MORE »
Concerns of a Second Semester Senior
I know we all have worries, but those of a second semester senior are 100% more imminent, and how shall I put this… legit. As everyone is one semester closer to graduation, and second semester seniors have a countdown clock of doom, I thought I would compile a list of all the things we have... MORE »
10 Minutes to Taco Salad
With a couple months of school under our belts, we should all be familiar with the lunchtime madness at the DUC. 15-minute salad lines? A sad reality. You want a taco salad? Get ready to stand around for a ten-minute panic attack about whether they are going to run out of guac before you get... MORE »
Student Emerges from Depths of Hell
An unnamed sophomore was found Tuesday morning rocking himself back and forth in fetal position under the Bunny statue. When brought inside to Whispers to thaw out his eyelids, he whispered, “I’ve come from a dark, dark place.” The biology, political science, and Russian studies triple major explained that he was revved up for the last week of classes... MORE »
No Fun: Cops Break Up One Person Party
Wash U’s police force, WUPD, reached new levels of strictness on Saturday night, breaking up a one-man party. Fred Fredrickson, a transfer student, was uninformed of WashU’s newly instated “No Fun” policies. The current police state reigning over Wash U’s social circle left Fred alone, confused, but ready to party. “I just didn’t understand why absolutely... MORE »
Passive Aggression Runs Rampant Across Campus
This past Thursday afternoon, campus police were dispatched to break up a fight that started in the bookstore. Witness reports state that the fight began when a 5’3” white female walked past another 5’4” white female without any visible recognition of the latter despite their past friendship. Reportedly, the two had been friends up until... MORE »
In Defense of No Pants
Lately there has been a lot of negative sentiment revolving around MY clothing choices. Ok, so it’s not, like, just my clothing choices, but sometimes it feels that way. I see you smirking when I’m in line for my latte in Whispers. I see you pointing and whispering when I’m... MORE »
Dear Girl Who Laughs Too Much in Class
Dear Girl who Laughs too much in class: I hate you. That’s really all there is to it. The professor is not that funny, and I’m sure he isn’t even flattered at this point. Your laugh is so loud, so obnoxious and nasally, it makes me sick to the stomach, an infectious cacophony of horridness. This isn’t... MORE »