Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines
DPS safety forum discusses student stress management,
decreasing crime rates : Arguably, that second one
could take care of both
1970 Los Angeles ban
on throwing balls at beaches lifted : All my “MY BALLS, MY CHOICE!” posters
must have worked!
Onion editors address
satire in the media : They said it’s good, right? I didn’t get to go, I
assume they said “good.”
A bicyclist committed
a hit-and-run on a staff member’s vehicle at Watt and Exposition : The
origin story of rumored staff superhero Don’t-Be-A-Dick Man.
talks at USC, hosted by professor Alan Abramson : Discussion was lively and
stimulating, but the president’s mid-talk stumble left him taking home the
USG Facebook group was allegedly hacked, posted statuses supporting
a certain candidate : That’s not that bad. I mean, last time it was hacked what got posted were USG’s old naked pictures.
Urology dept. gifted $13.3 million ““ anonymously : All MY secret admirer sends
me is pictures of me sleeping!
DPS officers detained a juvenile who refused to comply when
asked to leave campus after he was observed doing tricks on his skateboard : The juvenile refused because he insisted officers admit the
tricks were “super sweet,” the officers made it clear to the juvenile they
could do “so much better,” they were just in their uniforms at the time.
USC prepared to accept Obama’s new birth control law : Us being a successful university and him being the
president, neither of us can really afford another scare right now.
A doctor, treating a
woman at the Health Center, requested her husband leave after he caused a
disturbance. The man complied : The man attested the doctor didn’t know how
to “treat a woman,” the woman attested that it was her husband who didn’t know
how to treat a woman, the doctor attested he is a specialist and, on a medical
grade bearskin rug by a fireplace, treated her extensively.
New sorority Alpha Gamma Delta promotes academic excellence,
philanthropic giving, leadership, personal development and sisterhood : Oh weird, how are they going to fit in?
Law school’s Lincoln
Reading Room features rare artifacts : Rare artifacts included Lincoln
memorabilia and sororities that promote academic excellence, philanthropic
giving, leadership, personal development and sisterhood
Communicating : Well”¦ Now they can graduate, I
Fresh & Easy opens underneath Gateway : All the neighbors
could hear Gateway loudly complain that Fresh & Easy needs to get on top