Girl On Bicycle Uses Hand Signals Like An Old Pro

Article by hmerkt November 11, 2012

Early this morning, at the intersection of McClintock and Jefferson, a masterful exhibition in balance and composure was held by a student riding her bike through the intersection. Coming from the direction of the Century Apartments, (where the food trucks always park for you freshmen) she elegantly raised her left hand at a seemingly pre-measured... MORE »

Article by Cailin Lowry
November 8, 2012

The Five Types of Political Facebook Users

 In case this is literally the first thing you’ve seen in the past 24-ish hours, let me deliver the news to you: President Barack Obama is still President Barack Obama and it’ll be another four years until we call him former President Barack Obama. Michelle is still around (yay!), we’ll see Malia hit the big... MORE »

Article by Roy Parker
November 5, 2012

10 Ducks That Are Better Than the Oregon Ducks

Think all of us USC Trojans can collectively say, “F*ck the Ducks.” (The asterisk is so my mom doesn’t get mad at me.) Bringing out less than illustrious record to a disappointing 4-3 this season, I found myself really hating all and any duck-ish entities. But I took a moment and realized that even though... MORE »

Article by hmerkt
November 4, 2012

Candidates Seek Women’s Vote By Slyly Condescending Just Like Mom Used To

With the election swiftly approaching like a hurricane, and each candidate trying to be the one to leave half the nation in devastation, the race for votes has never been closer. Earlier this week Gov. Mitt Romney learned that women now have the right to vote, and that he has completely neglected the demographic. As... MORE »

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Article by Becca Grumet
October 31, 2012

5 Antisocial Things to do on Halloween

Um, somehow it became Halloween. I’m not sure when that happened, and I’ve decided it’s probably because I have no social life. Whoops. Therefore! As a pathetic person who can’t even remember what day it is, I appropriately compiled a list of antisocial things to do while still maintaining the Halloween spirit. Bring on the... MORE »

Article by Cailin Lowry
October 24, 2012

USC Wildlife: Animal Edition

So you decided to study at USC. I’m thinking that you weren’t seduced to South Central for its vast array of lush flora or rare animals. If you were looking for wildlife beyond the Row on a jungle themed party night (or I guess club hopping in Hollywood), then you probably think four years in... MORE »

Article by hmerkt
October 21, 2012

Professor Contemplates Ending It All Saying, “Those Kids Laughing in Lecture Are Right.”

Saturday night, as international relations professor George Witter sat in his leather armchair sipping a 12 year old red wine and watched one of the first copies of his book about the anarchistic nature of the international system slowly be devoured by the flame in his fire place, he began to think about the insignificance... MORE »

Article by Becca Grumet
October 17, 2012

Campus Center Piano Bans “Chopsticks”

The Ronald Tutor Campus Center recently added a painted upright piano to the International Plaza. The piano, donated by a USC staff member and alumna, became available for anyone to play as part of the campus center’s “Art and Trojan Traditions” program. The piano quickly gained so much of a following that frequent visitors began... MORE »

Article by hmerkt
October 14, 2012

Assholes Say, “Douchebags Today Just Don’t Respect The Art”

Area man Bill Miller, head of Fellow Assholes Staying Connected to Instill Social Tyranny (FASCIST), held a press conference today to make their disappointment in todays class of douchebags publicly known. Of course by press conference I mean a single flyer posted on the doors outside the gym that I saw someone taking down in... MORE »

Article by Becca Grumet
October 10, 2012

5 Reasons To Celebrate the Rain

Finally. After several weeks in the high 80s to mid 90s, the LA weather forecast not only dropped down to the usual 70s, but predicted scattered thunderstorms with a 50% chance of rain for this Thursday, otherwise known as tomorrow. “Aw man!” exclaimed some lame guy in Ray Bans next to me upon hearing the... MORE »