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April 30, 2013

28th and Hoov

Deep in the middle of the sweltering concrete jungle of South Central Los Angeles lies a place of pleasure, and intrigue. It’s a place where underpaid, average looking, and piddling college students work hard and play harder, the kind of place where desperate people have a lot of sex with each other. This IS 28th... MORE »

April 14, 2013

Lena Dunham to release spoken word poetry album

Fueled by Ramen, the record label behind the soundtrack GIRLS Volume 1: Music from the Original HBO Series, announced today that they will be releasing an album of original spoken word poetry written and performed by none other than Lena Dunham herself. It comes as no surprise after Dunham signed a $3.7 million book deal for... MORE »

April 8, 2013

All Girls in Sorority House Hate Drama, Charlotte

As last nights chapter dinner, many more individual conversations, endless hours of research, and a recent press release from the sorority have revealed, All the girls in the Theta Delta Chi house have proclaimed that they, “Hate Drama.” Drama has been cast off by this group as, “Shitty,” and, “Annoying,” in the past. The... MORE »

April 4, 2013

Kevin Ware to Promote Board Game “Jenga”

Louisville Cardinal fans are continuing to reel from the shocking injury suffered by sophomore Kevin Ware during the Elite Eight game against Duke University. A gruesome compound fracture caused Ware to crumple, and his right leg to literally collapse into itself. While spectators and experts alike debate the impact of this tragedy on his future career,... MORE »

April 1, 2013

[Insert Title of Your Own Creation Here!]

It’s been a while, Campus Basement. I’ve been, you know, living my life and stuff (#yolo, but I don’t think that’s a thing still #outdated? #sorry #ugh). Doing work. Sleeping. Going to Trader Joe’s. Watching Portlandia. Grumbling as I try to find a radio station that isn’t playing that stupid Bruno Mars song. Harboring a... MORE »

February 22, 2013

Music Festival Lineups Announced, Everyone Turns into Douchebags

“Dude, did you see the Bonnaroo lineup?” asked a tall, skinny white kid to his equally skinny white friend at the Campus Center this past Tuesday. “Dude. Dude!” We started to notice similar instances happening all around campus. One girl near our table in particular frantically proceeded to share jpegs of the Coachella lineup on each of... MORE »

February 18, 2013

Fighting On Elsewhere: A Daytrip to San Luis Obispo

Though the USC area certainly has its redeeming qualities (Spudnuts, USC, the UV movie theatre, the raccoon I once saw outside of my apartment building), the inhabitants of Figueroa etc. do occasionally long for time away from DPS reports, bike thieves, poor late night diet decisions, and the occasional vaguely rabid squirrel. That is where... MORE »

February 1, 2013

Student Asks Question To Prove He Doesn’t Need To Do So

As the second week of the semester closes, the material being covered in classes is finally starting to touch outside the realm of common sense. As we roll into week three the girl getting over some weight issues who just got her fake ID will once again be easier than your classes, and all will... MORE »

February 1, 2013

USC to Add More GE Classes because They Think Students Actually Like Them

“Who doesn’t love the General Education classes?” is the question with which USC President C.L. Max Nikias started off his public statement yesterday. And while somebody should have said, “NOBODY,” nobody did and he went on thinking that everyone does. In front of a small group of advisors and higher-ups here at the university, President... MORE »

January 31, 2013

Seemingly Cheerful Turtle Hangs Self in College Dorm

A turtle residing on the top shelf of a freshman dorm room desk at the University of Southern California was found dead early Tuesday morning from... MORE »

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