1. You probably shouldn’t take cocaine from the guy who dumped you three seasons ago, or get involved with his sleazy friend just to piss off your parents. However, dealing with the pain will enhance your acting chops enough to win a part in a weird 80’s musical by Jason Mewes. I’ve used this life lesson on many an occasion.
2. Despite having a child at thirteen and your boyfriend being shanked, it definitely gets better. You can easily become a fashion model after posing for one photograph. Downsides include your next boyfriend becoming a meth addict to impress you.
3. Don’t get shanked.
4. If your boyfriend won’t tell his parents that you’re together for religious reasons, immerse yourself in a relaxing distraction, like live action role play. Then absolutely no one will think you’re a loser. Downsides include your name is Anya and your character is pointless.
5. After wearing out the dating pool for nine seasons, you will ultimately end up in a drunken Vegas marriage with the burnout from season 1 who’s responsible for putting Drake in a wheelchair.
6. If you don’t want to be associated with Degrassi, change your name to Drake.
7. It is perfectly okay to be a born-again Christian and post nude pictures of yourself online, though only to raise money for the Power Squad. This one makes the most sense to me.
8. If your basketball coach wants to watch porn with you and hire a prostitute, he is gross. There isn’t really a need to discuss the matter for an entire episode.
9. When this is the Wikipedia synopsis for an episode, reconsider tuning in for season 10. Then go make real friends, and reconsider life in general:
“Clare is starting to have sexually charged, vampire inspired, dreams about Declan. She blames her dreams on a book series her classmates and herself are obsessed with, “Fortnight”. She starts writing fan fiction about it, but instead of using the characters, she writes Fortnight themed stories with Declan, and an unidentified female vampire, under the pen name of Madame Degrassi. When her dreams start to mix with her real life, she steals Declan’s sweater.”
10. Say oot as much as possible and don’t be sorey aboot it.