Over the weekend, many of those in attendance at the DG philanthropy event became witnesses to an unexpected incident. Since then, photographic evidence of the event has been widely circulated and become the choice topic at this very dinner table. It appears that on that day, attendees saw more public service than they had bargained for.
As the DG event took place below, a female whose face was clearly pictured in the photos but whose identity still remains unknown, succumbed to the pressures of university life and made her way to the roof of the highly respected Waite Philips Hall, affectionately known as WPH, presumably to “put an end to it all”.
In the confusion, the young woman managed to misplace her pants somewhere on the way up to the roof. “I can see how that would happen”, says Pamela Burns, freshman. “WPH is like, one of the tallest buildings on campus. Just imagine trying to climb to the top. You’d probably lose your pants too. I know I would.”
The unidentified female, now known as “Pantsless Patty” among scholarly circles, successfully reached the roof, ready to do something reckless. Fortunately for her, fate had other plans.
Just before she could do anything drastic, a naked young man, also clearly pictured in the photos but still unknown, sprung into action and caught the girl from behind as she leaned over the corner of WPH, saving her from what surely would have been a fall to her death.
“It was incredible to behold”, shares Garrett Chen, junior. ”We all thought for sure she was a goner, and then that guy totally came out of nowhere and pulled out- I’m sorry, pulled her out of harm’s way. Amazing to see such courage.”
It turns out the unidentified naked man, now referred to as ”Nudey”, was on the roof for similar reasons relating to college student angst. He however, climbed the stairs twice as fast and as a result lost all of his clothes on the way up. According to a statement from DPS, the sight of the girl jarred him from his own misery and moved him to do something heroic.
Following the initial rescue, the distraught young woman resisted her unclothed savior, and photographs indicate that the two wrestled for a bit before she was able to calm down.
Plans to honor the naked vigilante are currently undergoing discussion, however some students are still suspicious about what happened, suggesting that the incident may not be as random as it appears. “Like, HOW crazy is it that they both have black boxes where their junk should be?”, muses Valerie Levy, sophomore. “Coincidence? I think not.”
Regardless of the circumstances, an incredible act of kindness took place last Saturday, and this writer thinks we can all agree that the photos really say it all.