We lost a football game. It’s sad. The margin wasn’t quite 50 – 0 (yep, still have bragging rights on that one), but we still lost. Don’t worry (I know you weren’t), Trojans. Your arrogance is still well deserved.

And here are the next twenty-five reasons why:

1.     The benefits of a private university: Google it. (Or just understand that California budget cuts don’t really affect us).

2.     DPS Segways: There’s nothing quite like seeing a pack of DPS officers zoom down Trousdale on their Segways (wait, they call them chariots). A quintessential USC experience.

3.     Gryffindor: According to our colors, we are the university equivalent of Gryffindor. I’ll double check the Harry Potter wiki, but I’m pretty sure “baby blue and gold” doesn’t qualify for any HP reference. Sorry about it.

The Trojans of Hogwarts.

 4.     $6 billion: You know what’s cooler than one billion dollars? Six. And USC is dedicated to raising that much through 2018. With $2.2 billion under our belts since the campaign started in 2010, it seems like it’s going pretty well. It also just so happens to be the largest campaign in higher education history. Fight On, moneymakers.

 5.     Our President has both a vision and a great accent: Not only is President Nikias dedicated to raising the $6 billion for our school, but he sounds adorable every time he opens his mouth. Now if only I could figure out what “C.L.” stands for (other than Cailin Lo 

6.     Susan Downey: Robert Downey Jr.’s successful producer wife went to the (then) School of Cinema/Television before marrying Tony Stark. I think that makes RDJ part of the extended Trojan Family.

 7.     This didn’t happen to us.

 

Four letters make things really difficult. *8-clap*

 8.     Donors: Over the past couple of years, it seems like we get an e-mail about an incredible multi-million dollar donation on a monthly basis. We have amazing people backing our school and supporting Trojan futures.

The Dornsifes (aka $200 million to USC)

 9.     The Governator established the USC Schwarzenegger Institute for State and Global Policy. Thanks, Arnold.

<3

 10.  Semester system: Can you imagine a quarter system? I don’t even want to.

 11.  Alumni network: Like it or not (and you probably like it), you’re a Trojan for life. Being a USC student (and eventually an alum) grants incredible opportunities. Maybe Bruins support each other, but when I was choosing colleges, it was USC’s network that drew me in.

 12.  Lost Angeles: we’ve got the Bearfighter on our team and I’m very happy about that.

 13.  Our milkshakes (bring all the Trojans to GZ): I’ve written about my feelings for Ground Zero several times, but it must be said again.

 14.  The Coliseum: We play every home football game in a stadium where an Olympic opening ceremony took place. Plus, we can walk to games. A little cooler than shuttling over to Pasadena.

 15.  Tommy Trojan: I’ve already outlined how Traveler is a superior mascot, but as far as unofficial mascots go, Tommy does a pretty good job. To be fair to the Bruins, most things do trump a teddy bear.

 16.  George Tirebiter: We have a statue dedicated to a dog at USC. For me, this automatically makes my school superior.

RIP George.

 17.  Attractive people: This probably counts as a low (and irrelevant) blow, but take the average person at USC and put them up against the average UCLA student… There’s no comparison. Trojan genes?

 18.  Trojan Knights/Helenes (vs. Bruin Bear Security Force): There are a lot of lame aspects of UCLA culture, but are you going to tell me that the people who guard their statue during rivalry week call themselves “Bruin Bear Security Force?” Maybe that’s why we managed to douse your bear in paint a couple years ago. Have the Trojan Knights had a slip up lately? I don’t think so.

19.  Chano’s: You’ll never forget the first (and perhaps only) Chano’s meal you had from everyone’s favorite little taco shack. You’ll never forget the morning after. 

20.  Conquest vs. Beat ‘SC: We generally call rivalry week “Conquest.” I guess in Westwood, the only creativity they have is referring to us (affectionately, I guess) as ‘SC instead of “USC.”

 21.  Downtown LA: Yeah, we do live in South Central. We also live right next to downtown LA.

The view walking towards downtown on a clear day (aka 350 days a year).

 22.  World-class dropouts (including Judd Apatow and Ron Howard): They may have pulled a Zuckerberg on USC, but they’re still Trojans.

 23.  As my roommates put it “downtown has the hot corporate people” and “Westwood is for old retired rich people”: In other words, Trojans look forward to settling down on the Westside. Bruins move out after college.

 24.  Campus Cruiser: That sexy hold music. Them telling you to take the tram route. Being taken anywhere within a 1.5 mile radius from campus between 6pm to 12:45am. Oh, USC.

 25.  We’re just better: going back to that innate understanding of superiority. I’ve given you forty-nine justifications for our arrogance. This one I’m sure you understand… if you’re a Trojan. #FTFO

#FTFO
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