Dear Readers,

We here at Campus Basement are very grateful for
quite a lot this Thanksgiving: friends, family, devoted readers, pets,
good food, Facebook likes for our articles, etc.

Well, wait a
minute… using that et cetera’s not quite right, is it? It’s a rare
person these days who goes deeply into everything he or she is really
thankful for. The little things count too, and out of respect for that
we at USC CB have compiled a list of things, little and big, that we
don’t always give a shout-out to on Turkey Day.

(The individual authors of these statements have been removed to protect their identities.)

Home Life:

I am thankful for the change in attitude my washer/dryer combo has had
in only eating up a few of my socks as opposed to the many it devoured
last year. It’s so nice to have warm, matching feet, isn’t it?

am thankful for microwavable soup when our gas gets cut off for two
weeks, and for gigantic fuzzy socks when we have no heat.

I am thankful for my record player, which makes me seem way cooler than I actually am.

I am thankful for red vines, Oreos, and pretzels, all of which I steal from my roommate’s kitchen shelves.


A very special thankful shout-out to Advil Cold and Sinus, Zicam Cold
Remedy, Ricola Cough Drops, Kirkland Signature-brand facial tissue,
Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup, and Jamba Juice Cold Busters.

am thankful for the nice radiology tech at Good Samaritan Hospital who
didn’t bat an eyelash while she ultrasounded my balls in front of my

I am thankful for another year of successfully outrunning appendicitis and for avoiding that new reappearance of leprosy.


I am thankful for how being a female means you always have access to free Prestige.

I am thankful for that cheap campus sunglasses stand, Dollar Dollar and Elegance (RIP).

I am thankful that I work in several offices that offer free coffee.

I am thankful for blessedly free (albeit weirdly ostentatious) condoms.

I am thankful for the way dining dollars never felt like real money and the way student loans don’t yet.

I am thankful for five dollar movies, Wendy’s, Armando’s, the UV food court.

I am thankful for the many wish-coins in the many campus fountains and the people who don’t interfere when I take them.

I am thankful for 24-hour Denny’s, but not to the horrible waiter who forgets about our check and never comes back.


I am thankful for my good grades, which can suffer while I get through the first 200 hours of Skyrim gameplay.

I am thankful for the weather. It’s fucking awesome.

I am thankful for Campus Cruiser graciously ferrying around my belligerent ass.

I am thankful for my absent-minded GE professor who hasn’t realized that I skip lecture.

I am thankful for the tan line on my wrist that my watch has left. It’s
nice to know that some part of me is still the original shade.

I am thankful for homework over the break. How else would I fill all that unstructured time?

The People We Care About:

I am thankful for komodoDragon_king9000 for the awesome advice he gave
me the other day via AIM about leg warmers and elbow pads.

I am thankful for my underwear. It’s so nice of you to be around despite all the things I put you through.

I am thankful for Max Jennings, President of the VHS Society of Los
Angeles, who also turns 20 today, and left me a giant DVD collection to
watch while he is away on break.

I am thankful that my friends and I can come together and lovingly ignore each other while we play Skyrim and Battlefield 3.

I am thankful for for keeping my friend Corey
company during all those lonely nights he’s been having since that
bitch Tabitha dumped him.

I am thankful for Alex Kresena. That dude’s the shit.

The World At Large:

I am thankful for Shia LaBeouf’s performance in Transformers: Dark of
the Moon. One of the most comedically brilliant performances I’ve seen
on screen in years.

I am thankful for Bill Gates for having the decency to not die on us.

I am thankful for the color purple. I think it’s quite an
accomplishment to be neither red nor blue but be both at the same time.
Super proud.

I am thankful for the Muppets, who gave me the world’s third greatest gift, laughter.
I am thankful for for my roommate, who treated everybody to the world’s second greatest gift, ice cream, afterwards.
I am thankful for my boyfriend, who didn’t give me the world’s greatest gift, children, later that night.

I am thankful for England, for providing me with English Breakfast tea, dry humor and Robert Pattinson.

I am thankful for snakes for giving me something productive to consistently hate.

I’m thankful for Alejandro Maldonado, the Oregon Ducks (sucks) kicker
who fucked up royally with 5 seconds to spare and gave USC the best win
since I’ve been a Trojan.

Most of all, we’re all
thankful for Campus Basement, the best way for both writers and readers
to procrastinate on boring work since sex.