“I feel like it just sits there and glares, by my RA’s door, like a big, red
“you could be having THIS MANY sex!!’ sign,” freshman Dillon Dane says of his
floor’s standard Candy and Condoms bucket.

The buckets exist to ensure students are
provided free access to safe sex practices and Starburst, both in a variety of
colors and flavors.

That free access, however, has had unintended
consequences for an all-male floor in the freshman dorms. “We all assumed when
we came to college that since condoms need to come in buckets and need to be
free around here, we’d be”¦ You know”¦ Using them. A lot.”

When the prophylactics weren’t metaphorically
flying off the shelves the first couple weeks of school, it became the residents’
goal to become regular bucket customers. Somehow, time passed and success is
yet to come ““ and it has just recently become April.

“When do the different colors come in handy??
Why would you want glow in the dark?? I want to experience this! I want to know
these things!!” Dane nearly hyperventilates. “We’ve all been really supportive
of each other, each of us has just seemed to be really unlucky this year.”

Dane’s roommate shares his sentiment. “I want it
to be such a normal, regular thing ““ like, Dillon goes “hey, what’s this on the
floor’ and I’m like “oh whoops, it’s a wrapper!’ and then we share a good
laugh. And hug, or something. I don’t know how that works.”

The only reported use of the bucket thus far
hasn’t really counted, according to the guys. “I used to carry one around in my
pocket to be prepared, because I think you’re supposed to do that. It was
purple,” another resident explains proudly. “All of a sudden, it wasn’t there!
I thought I used it and forgot.”

He deflates, slightly. “It turns out it just
fell out of my pocket in the elevator”¦ I figured I should put it back in the bucket.”

The RA says he’s taken a fairly inactive role in his residents’
concerns. “I’m pretty excited I don’t have to replace things very often; to
their credit, they do eat a lot of the candy. I’m trying to just encourage them
to go at their own pace.” 

Dillon is weary, but optimistic. “When tragedy strikes, it’s been great to see the way people pull together for each other. I do think someday me and these guys will get our ‘bucket’ lists done.”