Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan Headlines.

Office of College
Advising tells students to hold off on grad school

In the same way that somewhere, a well-meaning high schooler
is telling her ugly best friend to hold off on that love confession she’s been
planning for a hot guy that has never heard of her.

Annenberg and Viterbi
analyze tweets to make Oscar win predictions

According to their results, it looks like best picture will be
awarded to #FirstWorldProblems

English professor says
many Native Americans are prone to writing tragedies

Meanwhile, a Native American professor says many Englishmen
are prone to causing tragedies by being jerk-bags.

Seeds salad chef
considers going to grad school

But after talking to the Office of College Advising, he
probably won’t.

Local students’ artwork
displayed in UV food court

It’s cute how the art looks and functions an awful lot like

Institute for Advanced
Catholic Studies hosts a lecture

If you missed it, don’t worry. This lecture is also available
in a special building every Sunday at 8am, 10am, noon, and 5pm, with bonus
lectures on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, and Easter.

Mikey Geragos and Vinnie
Prasad win USG presidential race

Once again, the prize for winning this year will be to have
their names frequently referenced during the USG 2013 election.

Law Library’s Lincoln
Reading Room features rare artifacts

Those artifacts being law books that are actually fun to read.

USC students favor new
beach ordinance allowing ball throwing

Primarily because the ordinance specifically adjusts its
previously strict policy so that balls may be thrown “at people you dislike.”

Onion editors address
role of satire in media

At first it sounded like a big joke, but then it started to
feel like they were making a bigger point without being obvious.

TAs discuss strategies
for grading

“Okay, I think we should divide the stack of papers by how
many of us there are. So you take those ones, and I’ll do these over here?
Cool. And let’s write illegible comments this time!”

Urology Robotics Center
of Excellence receives anonymous $13.3 million donation

“It is a little surprising, considering anyone would JUMP at
the chance to have their name permanently associated with Urology.”

Proposed redistricting
plan to put campus in District 9

I think we all remember how that movie ended.