In case this is literally the first thing you’ve seen in the past 24-ish hours, let me deliver the news to you: President Barack Obama is still President Barack Obama and it’ll be another four years until we call him former President Barack Obama. Michelle is still around (yay!), we’ll see Malia hit the big 1-8 in 2016 (weird!), and by the time President Obama is out of office, Sasha will be right in the middle of teenagedom (angst?). Hopefully Bo is still kicking in four years (knocking on wood as I type).
In light of the election being over, let’s rehash the last few months of Too Much Facebook Politics with the five types of people who appeared on your News Feed during the election season:
1. The Political Activist
This person has been donning their Obama or Romney shirt for the past several months. Their cover photo is probably one of the candidates doing something funny or a photo from a campaign event where they are a tiny pixel in the background (“ME WITH [CANDIDATE]!!!”).
Their statuses have largely involved trying to get you to vote for their choice of candidate: “FREE PIZZA TOMORROW AT THE COLLEGE [POLITICAL PARTY] MEETING!!! [PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE]’S FOURTH COUSIN TWICE REMOVED WILL BE THERE!!!” The other bulk of their recent Facebook activity is either passive aggressive or not-so-passive remarks about the other party candidate: “Ugh, yeah right [Opposing Candidate]. That’s not what you said last debate! Stupid! IDIOT!!! DON’T VOTE FOR HIM.”
Their intentions may be pure, but this person has progressively become one of your most annoying Facebook friends. Can’t wait to see who they campaign for in 2016. #unfriend2016
2. The Redditor
At first, this person seemed like The Political Activist. Then you began to realize that everything they posted seemed a little too smart. You have class with this person. You know all they do is go on Reddit and look at pictures of cute animals and gross wounds. Everything election based they said/posted on Facebook was on the front page of Reddit at some point. Nice try, guys. Bet you didn’t even get off your computer to vote.
3. The Parrot
Remember that game everyone hated as a child (except for the assholes who did it)? The repeating game? (“Stop copying me.” [annoying cackling laugh] “STAAPPP COPEEEING ME HAHAHA”). The Parrot was that kid. And now they’re all grown up, so they look at what The Political Activist and The Redditor have to say, copy and paste it, and put it on their Facebook page. You know they aren’t actually a Political Activist or Redditor because the rest of their posts are like, “lol just farted and girl next to me heard oops my bad” or “damnnn megan fox is still hot lol the things i’d do to her.”
Bigger question: why are we still friends with this person?
4. The IDGAF
It’s hip not to give a shit about anything, right? Politics included? Cool. This person was very vocal about not caring. “WHATEVER not voting, going to the beach.” “They’re both gross.” “STOP POSTING ABOUT POLITICS, NO ONE CARES.” #yolo
Couldn’t be bothered to find a picture for this person.
5. The (Not) Funny Person
I am completely guilty of being this person. The Not Funny Person posted updates in the midst of important political events (debates, the actual election) like: “So… when do I vote?” or “Hey, can someone tell me who was elected President? Har har har” Not even funny to begin with, but so many people did this that it became genuinely unfunny. Sorry for being that person. (I am well aware that I am always this person).
Congratulations to Barack Obama, the Political Activists who supported him, and the 5% of Facebook that avoided posting anything political for the past few months.
Can’t wait for what 2016 brings to my News Feed. (Yes, I can wait, I really really can).