“It’s like when I found out Santa wasn’t real, all over again,” says Ross*, a junior who hasn’t put a dime toward beer the three years he’s been drinking it. “When I think back to all the shotgunning, all the beer pong… Even the victories feel like shame.”
The frequent party host who broke the news apparently finally broke down and yelled “beer’s not free, man! What do you think you are, a woman??” when Ross drank the last of a 30-rack. Ross was stunned.
“God, I hate that guy,” the host comments.
More than astounded about the fact that he’s been living a lie, Ross can’t believe that Natty Light and Coors actually cost money.
“I thought it was a public service thing,” he explains. “Like ‘sorry, this is all we’ve got, but we want to make sure you guys are taken care of.’ Like from a… well, maybe.”
Ross says he’ll do his best in the future to do his part. “But, man, I’m such a space case!” he laughs. “I’ll probably forget.”
*Name has been changed to protect the mooching