As Eli Manning held up the Super Bowl trophy and yet another
Super Bowl ring was placed on his finger, our fate was sealed.
High above in clouds that fill the skies, the inhabitants of
Giantland are currently getting ready to descend down upon us and take over our
America had placed all their hope on the shoulders of Tom
Brady and the New England Patriots to be able to squeeze out a victory over the
New York Giants in Super Bowl XLVI. Our fate was in their hands and now we have
to deal with the consequences.
Our tensions with the Giants of Giantland have gone all the
way back to 2008 when the Giants and the Patriots faced each other in the Super
Bowl the first time and we got an offer to participate in a little bet between
the us and Giantland for whomever the winner was would get to spend the next
four years eating dwellers of the other region. This is why the National death
toll has steadily gone up since 2008*. (*Not an actual fact)
And as luck would have it, we were faced again with placing
a bet with the Giants of Giantland this year as the Giants and the Patriots
faced off again. But the ante was upped and it now became a bet not just about
nom noms but about who would take over the other’s land.
We’ve been informed that starting within the next 24 hours
the exchange of the of the keys to the USA will be given to the Head Giant,
Ile, and soon after we will slowly be forced out of our land to make room for
these monstrous creatures.
We’ve been told that only small parts of Turkey and one
territory of Guatemala will serve as sanctuaries for the first come first serve
of American citizens from now until April 15th when taxes are due.
So watch out, get out fast, and don’t get stomped on for the Giants are coming!
(Except for you, Tom Brady, I hope you get crushed.)