Mohandas Ghandi once said, “It ain’t over “til the fat lady sings.” Well you know what? That’s kind of a dick thing to say. People of all body types should be allowed to end things whenever they see fit. And I, a male with a reasonably athletic build, am hereby announcing the end of the Campus Basement 2012 “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break“ Tournament.
Back when this event was created in 1987, we were just three unborn fetuses wondering how we could keep Campus Basement active while the majority of our readers were away at tropical islands taking photos of things they would later untag for fear of not getting a job. Thus, we devised a friendly, inter-collegiate article-writing competition between our schools. The winner would have to write the ultimate viral article, shared amongst hundreds or even thousands on Facebook, Twitter, and yes, even Google+.
This year’s finalists – USC and Hofstra – both put up a hell of a fight, but only one can emerge victorious. So without further ado”¦ we don’t want to delay things more than they need to”¦ Nobody wants to be like Ryan Seacrest”¦ HERE IS YOUR 2012 CHAMPION!
Congratulations to USC’s writing staff! Leah, Lia, Becca, Roy, Quinn and Eric taught us that sometimes, to reach the pinnacle, you first need to conquer the Basement. And conquer it they did. Many thanks to USC and their insanely worthy final round opponent Hofstra for giving us some great laughs and great lessons this winter break, in addition to Columbia, Cornell, Mizzou, Syracuse, and Wash U.
We learned an important piece of information during this tournament: what everyone’s favorite pastime to engage in during winter break is. (Hooray! No roommate to walk in and ask, “If you’re not crying, then why are you holding a… oh.”)
We’d also like to thank YOU, dear reader, for making all this awesomeness a possibility. Thousands of people can write stuff to read to their dogs (I hear dachsunds are the best audience, probably because they’re the most down-to-earth (har!)), but to be able to share content with an audience is thrilling. So thank you, Basement dwellers.
In return for your never-faltering allegiance to Campus Basement and YOUR generous donation of $500 per article read (it’s in our terms and conditions, get those debit cards ready!), we vow to provide you with the best content on the World Wide Web this coming semester. Or at least the best content on Campus Basement.
On second thought, we shouldn’t promise that, either. But we can promise that we will have content and it will be hilarious. Get pumped for another awesome semester!
-The Campus Basement Staff