Following the news that Syracuse and Pitt will soon head for the ACC, hundreds of other schools announced that they will be changing conferences in the coming months. Penn State is headed to the SEC, and the SEC will no longer stand for South Eastern Conference, but instead the “Somewhat Eastern Conference.” Except for Oregon, which will also be joining the SEC, which will actually move its campus to West Virginia, citing “boredom with living in Oregon.”
Many conferences are deciding to simply disband, including the A-10, the Mountain Valley Conference, and the Mid-American Conference, which no one ever really considered conferences anyway. Those schools will be joining Division II, all of which will in turn be joining the MEAC. Which no one considers a conference anyway.
Wake Forest will depart the ACC for the Big Sky conference. Although the Big Sky conference typically included schools in the western region of the country, they decided to make an exception because Wake Forest “really didn’t want to play in the ACC anymore.” Fortunately for all teams, the Big Sky conference will now only host games in outer space, in an attempt to change the athletic landscape and be the only conference in existence whose name has any correlation to anything whatsoever.
The only other conference whose name will relate to its geographic location is the Pac-10. Unfortunately, this isn’t as simple as it sounds. The Pac-10 conference, which now includes powerhouses like USC and UCLA, will drop its existing members and instead reinstate itself as a conference in: you guessed it, Japan.
All of these alterations have led campus representatives across the nation to hold press conferences in which they almost immediately pepper in the phrases, “academic integrity,” “ever-changing athletic landscape,” and “outstanding academic integrity in this ever-changing athletic landscape.”
Throughout all of this, students should bear in mind that their schools are making all of these changes in order to get more money, to improve the school for the students. It’s all for the students’ sake!
Which is why tuition will skyrocket again next year. For the students.
(Photo by maveric2003)