On Tuesday, Billy Ray Guthrie, the prejudiced man who always stands on Waverly Avenue with anti-homosexual signs, went one step further in his acts of ignorance: he attempted to chase his own shadow out of town.
“It clearly says in the Bible that God hates dark people,” says Guthrie. “I don’t really remember where, but I’m pretty sure if I pulled a bunch of quotes from the Good Book out of context, it would clearly say that I’m supposed to hate everyone.”
Sources say Guthrie stood at his regular post on Waverly, spouting off his usual nonsense, when he noticed a dark figure looming right in front of him on the sidewalk. “[Guthrie] started screaming like a lunatic,” says Marcus Jones, a junior African American Studies major. “At first, I thought he was yelling some racist stuff at me, but then I realized that he was”¦well, he was yelling at his shadow. I think he thought it was a black guy. I knew he was ignorant but”¦damn.”
“I did what I always do when I see someone different, the only logical thing to do,” says Guthrie of his actions. “I started yelling and screaming at him. Then the sun went down, and he must’ve realized he had no business being near me, because he just up and left.”
Guthrie says that his shadow has returned on a few other occasions, but that he is not concerned about being bothered by it again. “I think I sent him a message,” says Guthrie.
His message: there’s no use trying to enlighten a crazy racist. Because he’s even afraid of his own shadow.