It has been over a month since Occupy Wall Street protester Paul
Flenderson set up camp in New York City’s Zuccotti Park equipped with nothing
but a tent, a few basic daily necessities, and a sign reading “Corporations are
not people.” However, the first-time protester is growing increasingly
concerned about his digital video recorder box at home, which has recorded so
many weeks worth of television programming in his absence that it’s probably
going to fill up and stop recording any day now.
As a former barista at Starbucks and a fervent left-wing
activist, Flenderson joined Occupy Wall Street because he was generally tired
of corporate greed and corruption. But now that the protest has hit the one-month
mark, Flenderson is wavering on whether he wants to stick with his fellow 99%
or go home and catch up on Breaking Bad.
“I’m hearing amazing things about this season,” Flenderson
said amidst repeated mass chants of something to do with the redistribution of
the nation’s wealth. “And how am I ever going to know what happens to Walt,
Jesse, and Gus if I’m camping out in this tent for another month?” he
“I hope my DVR didn’t fill up before the season finale.”
When asked how much longer he plans on staying with the
protest, Flenderson further elaborated on his favorite primetime television
shows. “And then there’s Boardwalk Empire,
which just started a new season, and I don’t have HBO On-Demand so I have to
record every episode or I’ll miss it,” Flenderson said as he began packing his
“I’ve heard pretty good things about Pan Am too. I think they have that on Hulu, but don’t they get rid
of older episodes after a few weeks?” Flenderson asked, growing visibly
frustrated with the crowd around him.
“I mean, seriously, how much longer is this thing gonna last?
What exactly has to happen for these people to be happy, anyway? I’ve done my duty,
Flenderson was last seen alone in his apartment scrolling
through his recorded programs and cursing at his television set.