My Drunk Kitchen

December 15, 2011

Happy Holidays With Love from Cornell…and Apparently the Clock Tower

Oh and for Caption ideas…. Happy Holidays from Cornell and Frosty the Snowman who wishes you “Happy Holidays and hey can you help me get this thing out of my butt?” MORE »

November 30, 2011

World Record For Largest Number of Simultaneous Boners Set

Last night, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show had a very unexpected outcome: not only did they showcase their goods in a high profile setting, they set a dubious guiness world record for most erections occurring at one point in time. In a study conducted by Cornell’s Statistics Department early this morning, it was determined that... MORE »

November 18, 2011

Oakenshields Mexican Wednesday Leads to Shitocolypse

Central Campus’ only all-you can eat dining hall decided to have its first official Mexican Wednesday this week. This proved to be a terrible idea for Oakenshits because, well, if their chicken breast is the equivalent of a double dose of laxatives, imagine what their burritos will do. “Yesterday was honestly the most horrifying thing... MORE »

November 4, 2011

Cornell Student Discovers DC++, Disappears From Face of Earth

John Jacobs used to be a mild-mannered Cornell freshman. He went to class, avoided trouble with school, and used condoms regularly. However, one day he had a problem set due and could not find a computer with MATLAB to use to finish his work. Just when he thought he was out of luck, one of... MORE »

October 28, 2011

Halloween At Cornell

In a study recently done by a renown Cornell professor (Dr Moss, most likely?), it has been proven that the discrepancy between mediocrity of looks at Cornell and sluttiness of a girls costume actually does not equate to more sex given (read: more whorish â‰ more put-out). One guy, sir Baby McDiaperton, said “I thought having... MORE »

October 13, 2011

OccupyWallStreet Movement Hits Ithaca

As OccupyWallStreet almost reaches it’s 5th week of protest and is prevalent in over 70 cities, notoriously liberal Ithaca has, of course, staged its own version of this protest in the downtown commons. And, seeing as there is no large financial organization to picket in the small town of Ithaca, protesters have taken to sitting... MORE »

September 28, 2011

Bringin Back The Beats

Hello again, basement followers. I apologize for being completely MIA for the past 5 months – however, I have a fairly good excuse. I was working a shitty ass job, making shit pay all summer, and have since been spending all of my meager salary on enjoying the last bit of sunlight, drinking, and awesomeness... MORE »

September 8, 2011

The End Is Nigh

With these recent rains that have been afflicting not only Cornell’s Campus, but all of Ithaca in general has been facing the grim reality that this may not be just the usually shithacating everyone is accustomed to. (‘I hope those ithacans get wiped out’, one Cornellian said. ‘Let’s be honest, all Ithaca offers is shitty... MORE »

August 27, 2011

5 questions for them ladies

Well, it really is no surprise to boys, or even girls really, that girls do a shitload of stuff that makes no sense whatsoever. I mean, I now understand why girls are total bitches once a month (mainly because they finally check out their weight on a scale…you totally thought I was going to make... MORE »

August 26, 2011

Cornell Girls: Read

Welcome to Cornell! I’m sure you’ve already seen/heard about the lovely gentlemen driving around in their pick-up with a banner reading “Thank You For Your Daughters”! Regardless of whether you are potential hos-in-training or those ladies who still think their ladyparts should be saved until marriage, I can offer you some sage advice from the... MORE »

May 5, 2011

Songs for Slope Day

So, in celebration of me finishing my classes (read: me skipping my last classes today because it’s kind of nice out and I really don’t care about them), I thought I’d do something productive with my day besides playing video games/day-drinking (actually I’m already doing that) by putting up some songs for you to start... MORE »

April 30, 2011

Slack Line Kid Is Incredible

Thanks to the recent surge of nice weather here in Ithaca, there has been a surge of “sports” that have been taking place across our hallowed slopes. Frisbees, footballs, and even kites have been seen flying through the air due to the April weather, but the most interesting sport that has been displayed is this... MORE »

April 27, 2011

House Elves Ruin Law School Students’ Studies

In a bizarre recent study, it has been determined that house elves do actually exist, and that they fuck with law school students who are trying to pass the Bar. The Bar is not only a notoriously hard exam to pass, but now it is addedly stressful thanks to house elves. A Cornell student named... MORE »

April 25, 2011

The Return of Music Monday

So almost 6 months ago exactly I had this great idea of posting music every Monday. It worked really well that first Monday (so not really at all), but then I got sidetracked by, well, drinking 4 days a week and somewhat succeeding in school. So forgive me for being absent (read: honestly i’ve been... MORE »

April 19, 2011

Senior Shows Up Drunk to Prelim, Gets A+

As the semester begins to wind down, one thing is clear to everyone in Cornell: Seniors no longer give two shits about anything. Well, thats not true – Senior Girls are hell-bent on getting dick before they leave for the real world and realize that they are actually still in the 4-7 range compared to... MORE »

March 28, 2011

Bumpin Beats

So I haven’t posted any music in about a month and a half…sorry about that. Well not really, because I just spent more time beating it/drinking/reading egotastic, but because of popular demand (read: nobody asked me to do shit, I’m just bored), I thought I would throw up some more tracks. First off is a... MORE »

February 23, 2011

Black and Yellow Acoustic Cover

On account of redgreenblue’s lackluster video posts lately (seriously, you should leave the music to me), I thought I’d throw up this sick cover to Wiz Khalifa’ MORE »

February 19, 2011

CollegeACB Causes Campus-wide Brawl

After over a month of anonymous debates over what sorority really has the best pledge class/is the coolest/is most liked/has the most sluts, sororities still have yet to reach a consensus, so they resorted to the only true test to end this quest for the truth – a campus wide throw-down. Early reports point towards... MORE »

February 9, 2011

How Cornell Bros Get Down

Just two frat bros killing it to Nelly’s Just A Dream. They put Chris Breezy to shame. MORE »

February 2, 2011

Music for…well, nothing, but its GOOD

Hello again my faithful readers! I am sorry for ditching all of you for the past month. I found myself in a haze of video games, lunchables, and crystal meth addiction for all of January (just kidding, it was only minor alcoholism). But I am back in action (with the minor alchololism, don’t worry) for... MORE »