This one is an oldie but a goodie.
Every year, you can hear people chatting it up about how “awesome” their spring breaks are going to be. And every year, most people never follow through on their plans. Here are some examples of what I mean.
The Caribbean Dream: “Bro, here’s what we do. We save up, maybe skip going out for a few weekends, and we can stay at a sick-ass hotel in the Bahamas, just drinking all day, chillin’ on the beach, and watchin’ hot girls play naked volleyball. It’s gonna be ill!”
Reality: “Bro” ends up back in Hoboken, New Jersey watching the Big East tournament with a 6-pack of Natty Light. The only hot girl he gets to see is his mom. Who also plays naked volleyball.
The Time-Share Dream: “My parents have a time-share in Florida, it’s all paid for. All we have to do is find a flight, which is like $150, and then we can stay there for free and just pay for food and alcohol. It’s practically free!”
Reality: Little Miss Time-Share finds out that her parents are actually using the Florida condo that week. But she doesn’t tell her friends this until the day they were supposed to leave and they already paid for their tickets and now I have to spend the whole goddamn day walking around the Orlando Airport trying to find a return flight! Thanks a lot, bitch!
The Road Trip Dream: “Guys, I have my mom’s SUV up here, so as soon as classes end, we hop in the car and just drive. We can make it all the way to California, chill in San Diego on the beach or whatever, and then turn around and come back. If we split gas five ways, it’ll be mad cheap. You guys in?”
Reality: The guys are in. And it would be mad cheap. If other people paid. But instead, you get to Rome, NY before everyone starts claiming, “Whoops! I left my wallet back in Lawrinson. But whatever, it’s cool, I’ll just pay you guys back later.” Next thing you know, the car is pulled over on I-90 and you and your buddies are fighting it out. And then things get WAY too out of hand, and Jeff pushes Brett a little too hard. And he claims he never saw that semi coming by, but part of you thinks, “How the fuck do you not see a semi? Did Jeff just kill Brett over gas money?” RIP Brett.
The Realistic Dream: “Ok, so the last three breaks haven’t exactly worked out how we expected. But we can’t give up. We’ll make the last one simple. My house is only like a half hour from the Jersey shore, so we just drive down there, spend the day on the beach and at night we get fucked up. What could go wrong with that?”
Reality: The Jersey shore is full of guidos, and everywhere you go, they’re trying to fight you because your buddy Jeff has a lazy eye, and the guidos say he’s “lookin’ at me funny.” And since you don’t want to get into a fight, you just get back in your car and come back to Syracuse. Which is really what you should have done for your last three spring breaks.
Maybe then Brett would still be alive. I miss you, bro.
