With the royal wedding now out of the picture, the world has turned its gaze on the next big news: the upcoming marriage of Zack Henderson, a junior at William & Mary, to Virginia Tech sophomore Courtney Spalone.
According to sources, Henderson proposed to Spalone on Saturday evening during a quiet dinner.
“This is the greatest thing to ever happen to the world,” said Samantha Cortes, a Virginia native and senior at Princeton. “I mean, they’ve been dating for a while and they’re in love and now they’re getting married and I just can’t handle it! It’s crazy!”
Added Cortes, barely breathing, “And she’s gonna be in a dress!”
“Oh, it’s totally huge,” said Brittany Boyle, a freshman at UNC. “Nothing could be more important. I mean, years from now, people are going to look back on this and be like, “Remember when those two got married?’ and I’m gonna be all, “Yes!’ It’s adorable, they’re so cute!”
Added Boyle, rolling on the floor and screaming, “And have you seen that freaking dress?!”
We also asked Ashley Goldberg for her opinion, though we did not know how to publish her response, which best translates to the noise a cricket makes followed by repeatedly squealing, “DRESS!”
Still, not everyone gets what the big deal is.
“So?” asked every guy in the entire world.