After a series of sexual misconduct-related public relations
disasters, 2012 Republican presidential nominee Herman Cain officially
suspended his campaign last week. His farewell speech included an inspiring quote:
“Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there
is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference.”
The quote does not come from a famous politician or artist,
but rather, it’s part of the theme song from Pokemon: The Movie 2000.
Now regretting his resignation, Herman Cain is looking to
bounce back into the race, and has been fervently directing his attention
towards another children’s program for inspiration on his next campaign speech:
The BBC preschool-targeted television series stars four
different-colored pudgy humanoid beings (“Teletubbies”) who primarily speak in
awkward sentence fragments and grunts. Cain found their wisdom endearing and is
currently deciding which Teletubby quote to use in his upcoming re-entry
As of now, Cain is convinced that Tinky-Winky, the purple Teletubby
with the triangle antenna, has some convincing lines that say a great deal
about the current political climate of the country.
“Time for Tubby bye-bye! Tinky-Winky tired! Oh nooooo!” Cain
declared, mimicking the cherubic creature’s high-pitched accent.
“It’s like the
perfect metaphor for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination,” Cain
continued. “Everyone’s tired, there’s no hope. Nobody gives a crap.”
After further research, Cain found that the other three
Teletubbies – Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po, and even their housekeeper/guardian Noo-Noo,
all offered similar motivational quotes in line with his campaign platform.
“Eh-oh! Teletubby play time! Po have fun fun,” Cain
concluded. “Dipsy say sexual harassment and adultery allegations no true! It’s
falsy false. Uh ohhh!!” Strangely, BBC was unable to find the exact episode in
which Dipsy stated the quote in Cain’s speech.