When 1 out of every 3 people in your country is obese, action needs to be

While I personally would like physically-challenging events to be mandatory for
citizenship (and I genuinely mean “challenging” – kickball does not
count. Pole vaulting, water polo, and the high beam do), it seems America has a
different method for weeding out the obesity. Legislation for high-caloric chain
restaurants to state how many calories are in each meal is currently being

What this means? You walk into your local chain bar/grill/pizzeria/pit stop for
grease-covered calories and next to each menu item fried in high fructose corn
syrup are the triple (or god forbid, higher) digit figures of how many calories
you’d be consuming if you selected said item.

Because, when I’m drunk as usual on a Tuesday afternoon, I want to know how
many calories are in that $2 burger.  (Here’s a guess, drunken self – a lot
of calories – it’s a fucking burger.)
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the mentality behind this – to improve healthy
eating decisions because theoretically, the people becoming obese are doing so
like this:

“Hey, I’m hungry.”

“Me too! Want to grab dinner after class?”

“Yeah, sure, like something healthy?”

“Yeah, how does some delectable Olive Garden-drowning-in-sodium sound?”

“Perfect! And then 20 oz drinks made of sugar based syrups and covered with whip cream at Starbucks after?”


Who knows, maybe delusional students, inundated with the abundance of accurate
information out there (like how 90% of Planned Parenthood’s budget goes to
abortions. Jon Kyl reference anyone? Anyone? Oh my god, educate yourselves ““


think that restaurants like Olive Garden or Chipotle are healthy (don’t get
defensive Chipotle fans -

They aren’t. I don’t think we need
calorie counts next to each burrito to remind us that guacamole + sour cream do
not equal a healthy decision.

Bottom line: You want to avoid obesity college students? Think about what
you’re eating. Just because it doesn’t say McDonalds on it, doesn’t mean it
isn’t equally bad for you. If you’re hungry between classes, avoid foods which necessitate patting the grease off of them.