Tuesday started like any other day for Michael Rosenberg. He woke up at 10:00, watched SportsCenter, ate a bowl of cereal, and headed to his 11:00 economics class. But at noon, all hell broke loose.

“It was a pretty chill day,” says Rosenberg. “[Professor] Jones knew we were all mentally on vacation, so she let us spend most of the class just talking about plans for break, stuff like that.”

When class ended, Rosenberg gathered his things and headed for the door. Right before leaving, he uttered the two most unspeakable words you can hear during the holiday season.

“He said…he said…” started Professor Samantha Jones, getting choked up and finally whispering, “He wished me a ‘Merry Christmas.’”

Upon hearing the words come out of Rosenberg’s mouth, the entire class stopped as if they were extras at a party scene in an ’80s movie (one student swore he heard the sound of a record screeching to a halt).

Rosenberg was immediately brought before the President of the school, Dr. James K. Plumpton.

“Language such as this will not stand at my school,” said Plumpton, adding, “Maybe you could get away with saying such vulgarities in the 1950s, but this is 2010. We have a black Presi–sorry, a Hawaiian-American President, for Gosh’s sakes!”

Plumpton immediately decided to expel Rosenberg from the school, though Rosenberg is rumored to be appealing the expulsion.

“I still don’t see what the big deal is,” says Rosenberg. “It’s BYU, so you kind of stick out when you’re the only Jew.”

Plumpton and Jones immediately covered their ears upon hearing the dreaded “J” word, both shaking their heads and uttering, “I don’t think you can say ‘Jew.’”

Merry Christmas, everyone! Have a great break! -The Staff at Campus Basement