Hey Basement dwellers,
At the end of Round One, USC has the lead over Mizzou after what””and I do not think I’m exaggerating here””was the greatest college winter-themed comedy writing battle of 2011. Correct me if I’m wrong. The full score is:
1. USC ““ 77
2. Mizzou ““ 69
3. “Cuse ““ 41
4. Hofstra ““ 38
5. Columbia ““ 34
6. Wash U ““ 30
7. Cornell ““ 29
8. Basement Staff ““ 14
In our (the Basement Staff) defense, we didn’t really understand the rules of the competition, and we were sore from lifting the other day, and the sun was in our eyes, and we could get 77 shares we just don’t want to.
Excuses notwithstanding, Round Two is going to be even more awesome, possibly providing a new greatest college winter-themed comedy writing battle of 2011. At the very least, it’ll give you something to do in between commercials of A Christmas Story/bites of Chinese food (Shabbat shalom!). Round Two features matchups between:
Mizzou vs. Basement Staff (12/27)
Hofstra vs. “Cuse (12/28)
Wash U vs. Columbia (12/29)
USC vs. Cornell (12/30)
Obviously it’s going to be awesome. So drink yourself into a stupor with your high school friends, argue with your father about why he could not run the country better than Obama (depending on who he is, of course), and try to figure out how the hell your mom can wrap a present with three pieces of tape while it takes you 79 pieces of tape, half a pack of staples and a bottle of glue just to wrap the book you bought your grandma.”¨
After you’re done with all that, just remember: doing a boat race with eggnog is not a good idea. (It’s a great idea!) And also remember to check out Round Two starting on the 27th!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Happy Hanukkah!
-The Basement Team