Usually I write these letters in order to better your/our college experience. Well, not tonight. Tonight it’s all about bettering FutureMags’ life. There’s this little thing grown ups are forced into on a daily basis and it’s awful, much like pretending you think that picture of your friend’s baby is cute and marriage. It’s called small talk.
Small talk is the worst.
You might ask, FutureMags, if you don’t like participating in small talk, why don’t you just excuse yourself from the conversation? Well, I can’t, OK? You’re just in college, what do you know? If an adult excuses herself from small talk the world will explode. The Mayans predicted it.
As tragic as this is, I have found one tried and true topic that removes all awkwardness from small talk: Study Abroad.
Bring up Study Abroad and you’re set. For some reason people just love to talk about where they went and what they did on study abroad like they are some kind of rock star. It will kill a good 15 minutes out of your small talk session. And if the person was actually a really big slut, it could kill up to 20 minutes.
What I’m saying is, YOU HAVE TO GO ON STUDY ABROAD. I will have many letters to write you on this subject, but tonight let’s start with step one:
FUTUREMAGS, WHERE SHOULD I GO FOR MY SEMESTER ABROAD?
Since I don’t want to ruin where I/we end up going (it should really be a choice every gal makes for herself), I will simply lay out some options and provide you with the pros and cons. The final choice is up to you. I can’t stress how important of a decision this is. I know people who went on study abroad only to come back a full semester behind. I also know people who went on study abroad only to come back pregnant. It’s all about choices.
Pro: If you’d like to one day have a pretentious air about you, this is the place to go. Oh, the Louvre? How pedantic. I studied in Paris, so I know this. People won’t even realize that what you just said made no sense. They will think you’re super cool because Paris is way cooler than everyone else.
Con: Everyone has been to Paris and everyone thinks they are way cool for having been there.
Pro: People in London really know how to drink. This will help mask your underlying alcoholism.
Con: You will have to listen to your American classmates attempt to do English accents for 3 months. Newsflash: they suck at it.
ANYWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA
Pro: Some of our favorite things come from South America: the Mayans, salsa (the food), macarena (the dance).
Con: Lots of poor people.
SEMESTER AT SEA
Pro: You will have ample opportunity to reenact scenes from Titanic. These scenes should include but are not limited to:
- - “I’m king of the world!”
- - Sex in the backseat of a car from the 1900s
- - drunk dancing with irish people in the basement
- - shoveling coal into a furnace
- - telling two gingers a bedtime story before you all drown
Con: Remember when we were 12 and went on a boating trip and within the span of 48 hours had gotten seasick, had a fold up table almost break our eye socket, scraped our leg climbing into the dinghy, tripped getting out of the dinghy and landed face first on a crowded beach, and had a giant wave crash on to us and only us while sitting on the stern of the boat? Yeah, well that could happen here. In front of 20 year olds. So, way worse.
Pro: I’m 63% sure they might have penguins there.
Con: Very cool climate.
CollegeMags, I have given you all the knowledge I can. Now, go, spread your wings and fly and save me from excruciatingly painful small talk with adults.