Leaf Me Alone!: Students at Palm Beach State College started an on-campus group to protest the use of leaf blowers. In retaliation, another group of students started an organization to protest the organization of inane student organizations. Both organizations were approved by campus officials.
Medical Debacle: A reporter for the East Carolina University student newspaper complained this week about women hogging the lines at the health center to obtain birth control while he was forced to “suffer” with a runny nose. His other symptoms included menstrual cramps and general bitchiness, for which the doctors prescribed a dose of getting laid.
Hall of a Deal: Seton Hall announced this week that they will be offering a 2/3 discount on tuition for applicants in the top 10% of their graduating high school class. Sources say that the deal, though economically fantastic, will not be nearly enough to seduce students into living in New Jersey.
You Loko, Ese?: Four Loko announced this week that they would be changing their label to more correctly intimate just how much alcohol is in one 23.5-ounce can. While the old can subtly claimed that it contained as much alcohol as one or two beers, the new can will simply display a picture of a guy vomiting something that looks like a mix of cottage cheese and Slimer from Ghostbusters.
Jobslessness: Last but absolutely not least, the brilliant mind behind every single good piece of technology in the last decade passed away this week. There is no joke to be made about this, and Steve Jobs will truly be missed by a generation of college students who, thanks to him, will never look at an under-case “i” the same way again.