Co-wrote this one with my guy Alex Piliouras, who is tragically without internet. May he find other means to consume cat videos and naked ladies.

Sex is the New Marijuana:
One of Baylor University’s classes next
semester is “Homosexuality as Gateway Drug.” Other new courses include,
“What’s With Jews?” “Science 101: Why Earth is 2,000 Years Old,” and “Black
People as Gateway Drug.”


Hot, Naked Role
Pornstar Sasha Grey was photographed reading to first grade
children at Emerson Elementary School in Compton. Things got awkward when the
teacher asked, “Hey haven’t I seen you somewhere before?” Hint: it wasn’t


Forget Me Nots: Governor
Rick Perry destroyed his own campaign during the GOP debate when he couldn’t
remember the third department of government he wanted to shut down. In other
news, “Jack and Jill” opened this week, leaving Perry also unable to remember
the last time Adam Sandler was funny.


Weak at Yale:
Yale president Richard Levin banned Sex Week at Yale this
year after many students protested the abundant use of pornography in last
year’s exhibits. Students also complained that every single piece of furniture
used last year is still sticky.


Chancy NYAN-cy: Shaq
lifted Syracuse University chancellor Nancy Cantor into the air like his own
adorable baby at Cuse’s basketball home opener. Spectators were initially worried
when Chancy Nancy violently went flying through the roof of the Carrier Dome,
but fortunately she was propelled to safety by a magical rainbow shooting out
of her ass.


Going Streaking!:
A student at the University of Southern Mississippi had an
awful date with destiny last week when he decided to streak during a football
game and ended up falling on his penis. As punishment, he was forced to lie
down fully erect while they used him as a kickoff tee.