Alex Linden left the university in shame Friday morning after a failed attempt to raise his History grade. With the end of the semester approaching he decided to make a visit to his professor to persuade her to give him a good grade.
“I got there and I was like, ‘is there anyway I could raise my history grade?’ and she was like ‘nope.’ so I told her I’d do anything she wanted, I offered to balance her checkbook, water her ficus, change her oil. She was being so difficult!” an exasperated Alex confessed.
What Alex did next was far from innocent house chores. His next action crossed the line big time.
His professor came back to her classroom an hour later to find her smartboard completely destroyed. The expensive piece of technology was short-circuiting in its usual corner and Alex was caught at the scene of the crime.
“I was just trying to wash it for her! I didn’t know it’d go all crazy if I got it wet! I was THIS CLOSE to showing up naked and seeing how she reacted, I thought I was going with the safest option!” Alex said.
“What troubles me most, aside from the breaking and entering, potential seduction attempt, broken equipment, and awful pringles commercial reference, is the fact that Alex had an A. Until today. Now I’m giving him an F. Because I can do shit like that.” stated Alex’s professor.
Moral of the story: don’t go to college.