Last Monday, Mizzou junior Sam Tackett woke up and about pissed himself when he remembered he just bought the new iPhone 5 the day before. Eager to try out the new features of Apple’s latest product, Tackett said he decided to use the new map app to get to class.
While Tackett said he was in awe of the visually striking graphics of Apple’s new GPS platform, he also said he was blissfully unaware that the program, much like the entire Twilight cast, was good for absolutely nothing except for sticking it to a much bigger franchize.
“I didn’t read any reviews about Apple’s switch from Google Maps to their own platform,” Tackett said. “I’m too tech-savvy to go on others’ opinions. I thought I could figure it all out for myself.”
While his iPhone did lead him towards the general area of his classes, it took him slightly astray as he wound up at Stephens College – an all girl school right next to Mizzou.
Tackett said he didn’t realize he was at the wrong place because he was too fascinated with the iPhone to observe his surroundings.
“I got out of my car and walked right into the building without looking around,” Tackett said. “I didn’t look up at all, I was too busy trying to find shitty, insignificant things that made this iPhone better than the last.”
So Tackett, happily unobservant of his surroundings, took his place at the back of the African-American Women Studies class at Stephens College, and tapped away at his iPhone relentlessly.
Jessie Rafran, African-American Women Studies professor at Stephens, said Rackett did not go unnoticed.
“Well, we here at Stephens do not discriminate against anyone,” Rafran said. “We appreciate women of all shapes and sizes. To be honest, I just thought he was one of those boyish looking lesbians.”
Rafran said that, at one point, she asked the boy his name in hopes to clarify whether or not he belonged there but his gender-neutral name didn’t provide any hints.
“He said ‘Sam,’ and I just remember thinking, ‘shit, that’s no help at all,’” Rafran said. “I think if I had seen his face I could have recognized it was a boy, but with his nose buried in his phone he just looked like a chubby girl.”
Tackett said he finally realized he had been attending the wrong class when he saw the class name written at the top of his first exam.
“I saw I was in the wrong class, looked around and was like, ‘what the fuck?’” Tackett said. “But I didn’t think anyone noticed me leave even.”
However, Rafran said she did see Tackett leave.
“Of course I saw him leave,” Rafran said. “That new iPhone is so much longer and sleeker than the last model, how could I not notice him? Well, that and the fact that he yelled ‘what the fuckn”
Tackett said that, while he is upset he missed an entire week of his regularly scheduled classes, he did learn quite a bit in his time away.
“I’m really learned a lot of things in that classroom,” Tackett said. “I’m a lot more knowledgable about my new iPhone now.”