Everyone has that one friend (usually a female) who correctly predicts the outcomes of major sporting events based on heavy research. Namely, “Oh, I just LOVE that color! And the mascot? So CUTEE!!”

So I decided to see what would happen if I took that approach and applied it to the BCS Bowl Games. And yes, I know that some of them already ended, but I promise you I did not cheat.

Rose Bowl: Horn Frog vs. Badger

On paper, this match-up presents itself in the favor of the Badger. But, a Horn Frog is no ordinary, turn-into-a-prince frog. That thing is disgusting-looking and, from what I’ve read, has the strength of a bulldog when it bites something. It also preys on other frogs, which basically makes it the Hannibal Lecter of the frog kingdom. I don’t see any badgers eating other badgers (though I’ve also never seen a badger). Either way, for this match-up, the Horn Frog eats the Badger.

Fiesta Bowl: Sooner vs. Husky

Probably the most boring match-up of mascots, this boils down to settlers of the Midwest vs. Alaskan racers. For those unfamiliar with the “riveting” Oklahoma Mascot (the Sooner), it consists of a wagon and two white ponies. I was never a fan of The Little House on the Prairie. On the other side, people have lost limbs racing in the Iditarod, but the dogs generally persevere. The Huskies are far better-suited for January, which gives them the edge over the wagon-pulling ponies.

Orange Bowl: Tree vs. Hokie

Who would win a battle between a tree and a turkey? It’s a tough call. At first glance, it seems obvious that a tree can’t move, whereas a turkey can fly (sort of). However, turkeys aren’t exactly the most graceful creatures and I’d guess that more than a few have fallen out of trees to their gobbling doom. And that’s what’s gonna happen here. Advantage: Tree.

Sugar Bowl: Razorback vs. Buckeye

Again, we have an animal versus a tree. This time, though, it’s a wild boar against the state tree of Ohio. Unlike turkeys, wild boars are unpredictable. It’s right there in the name: “wild boar.” If it were a tame boar, it might be a different story. But these boars are wild. They’re out drinking till dawn, dropping E, lighting guitars on fire. You don’t know what they’re gonna do. I do: they’re going to burn down the Buckeyes, just for the hell of it. Wild stuff.

BCS National Championship: Tiger vs. Duck

Again, a no-brainer according to most people. Tigers are bad-ass, ducks are…well, they’re ducks. They sit in ponds and get fed by lonely old people. BUT, Mighty Ducks was an awesome movie. And D2 was great too. We’ll let D3 slide and give this one to EMILIOOOO and the Ducks.