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Article by Lia Woodward
March 26, 2012

Week in Review: Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s News

Your second best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. New president aims to strengthen community By community, she meant the tv show. Pew study found 36 % of young adults heard about Kony 2012 through the internet The remaining 64% only saw about it through the internet. Suspect entered classroom while class was in... MORE »

Article by maxmartinez
March 19, 2012

Student Suspended For Attending Too Many Classes

Do you often feel overwhelmed because you are taking too many credits? Do you just go to other classes to just acquire more knowledge? No, I’m pretty sure you and I both don’t. That isn’t the case with junior Megan Kim of the engineering school, who was suspended from Cornell for attending too many classes... MORE »

Article by ramapops
February 28, 2012

Study: Collegiate Sports Lead to School Spirit; College Officials Outraged

MAHWAH, NJ: A disturbing new study done at Ramapo College of New Jersey seems to link participation and/or support of campus athletic teams to a dramatic increase in school spirit. According to Ramapo census takers, who conducted the survey by repeatedly sending out duplicates of the same email until students got tired of sending it... MORE »

Article by Becca Grumet
February 16, 2012

Breaking News: College Professors Are Old

A recent study conducted by the Old People Association of Educational Things and Stuff found that 89% of all college professors are indeed age 60+. And yet, the test not only measured physical age, but mental age, creating a record breaking statistic of all college professors with an elderly mental age at 99%. The study... MORE »

Article by Jonfen
December 19, 2011

4.0 GPA Totally Compensates for Sex-less Semester, Rationalizes Freshman

Upon checking his course grades on student center, freshman Phineas Plottman expressed tempered joy and mild exuberance over the fact that his semester spent not fornicating with members of the opposite sex, culminated in a 4.0 GPA. “Oh my gosh, this feeling is so amazing,” said Plottman meekly, “definitely more satisfying than repeatedly thrusting my... MORE »

Article by Jonfen
December 16, 2011

Mann Library Sees Increased Attendance Through Rental of Sex Rooms

In attempt to attract more students to the library and to reduce student stress during finals week, Mann library converted all of its rarely-used study rooms into sex rooms. This initiative was sponsored by  Cornell CARES, and proved to be a major hit over the course of study week. “Hardly anybody would ever rent out... MORE »

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December 12, 2011

Emory College Library Hours Racist Against Asians

I’m getting arrested for studying for 5 hours. Someone please tell me this is not true. MORE »

Article by apost
November 7, 2011

Recent Study Finds Cornell Cool Complex (CCC) Begins in Sophomore Year

The CCC has been speculated about amongst social scientists at Cornell University for many years. Until now the complex has never been able to be understood or analyzed seeing as the onset has been unclear. No longer do we have to merely hypothesize! “There seems to be an existing trend in some of the undergraduate... MORE »