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Students Mourn Tournament Loss with “Mad Men” Premiere
“I couldn’t stop grieving,” Sam Bolindy said, Chucks pitcher still in hand since Saturday night. “I needed to ease my pain. I knew I had to move on, but I didn’t know how.” And that’s when Bolindy traded his pitcher of $4 beer in for an Old Fashioned early Sunday and drowned his sorrows in... MORE »
Student Already Taking March Madness Too Far
The bracket has been set for all of 31 minutes and already Syracuse sophomore Paul Pitt has allowed the madness to take over him. According to sources, Pitt has neglected to shower for four straight days and has consumed a mere two meals in those 96 hours. “Of course I’m concerned about him,” said roommate... MORE »
A plea to the NCAA Selection Committee
Dear NCAA Selection Committee, I know on paper we might not look that impressive. I know that our out of conference schedule wasn’t as good as some of our competitors, but don’t sleep on SEMO. Regardless, I think we did pretty alright. We beat some good teams on our way to a Big XII tournament... MORE »
Study: Collegiate Sports Lead to School Spirit; College Officials Outraged
MAHWAH, NJ: A disturbing new study done at Ramapo College of New Jersey seems to link participation and/or support of campus athletic teams to a dramatic increase in school spirit. According to Ramapo census takers, who conducted the survey by repeatedly sending out duplicates of the same email until students got tired of sending it... MORE »
Student section to be switched with visiting section at Faurot Field in 2012
On Monday, Athletic Director Mike Alden announced that, due to MU’s move to the Southeastern Conference, some things had to change at Faurot Field. These changing included moving Marching Mizzou and changing the text in the end zones from “Missouri” to “Mizzou”. While most changes were relatively benign, one change carried a much bigger weight:... MORE »
The Piggyback Bandit Is Coming to Town
If you haven’t heard by now, a man named Sherwin Shayegan has made quite the reputation for himself in the world of high school sports. Standing at 5-foot-8, 240-pounds, The Washington State native attends High School sporting events, often dressed in the proper athletic uniform, with a single goal in mind. “He helped lay out... MORE »
Jeremy Lin’s Performance Gives Ivy Leaguers Hope
Last night, Harvard graduate Jeremy Lin put up 28 points and 8 assists in a Knicks victory over the Utah Jazz. After the game, Harvard graduates around the world rejoiced. “Before this, I had no hope,” said Candace Kim, ’03, “I was just another unemployable Harvard graduate with no prospects. Jeremy Lin’s performance proved that Harvard... MORE »
Giants beat Patriots, America Will Now Be Taken Over by Giantland
As Eli Manning held up the Super Bowl trophy and yet another Super Bowl ring was placed on his finger, our fate was sealed. High above in clouds that fill the skies, the inhabitants of Giantland are currently getting ready to descend down upon us and take over our country. America had placed all their... MORE »