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After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »
In case this is literally the first thing you’ve seen in the past 24-ish hours, let me deliver the news to you: President Barack Obama is still President Barack Obama and it’ll be another four years until we call him former President Barack Obama. Michelle is still around (yay!), we’ll see Malia hit the big... MORE »
Election Day: Local dimwit John Thurpwood was guilt-tripped by his Facebook friends into visiting his designated polling place and voting in the US presidential election today, despite not knowing anything about the candidates or their positions on various political issues. “I wasn’t really going to vote since I’m not into politics and I didn’t watch... MORE »
US presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have mutually decided to cancel the final televised debate tonight, citing the fact that no matter how much they argue back and forth, there’s really nothing they can say at this point that will change each other’s or viewers’ minds and they should probably just go ahead... MORE »
Another round of negotiations fell through between the Tau Kappa Chi (TKX) Fraternity and the United Nations concerning TKX’s uranium enrichment program Wednesday. This most recent round of negotiations appears to be the last as neither side is willing to make concessions. The fraternity and the UN have been in talks since UN weapons... MORE »
Approximately 600 million large cups are destined for NYC dumpsters after the city’s Board of Health unanimously approved a ban on large sodas and soft drinks at restaurants, food carts and movie theaters. The ban, championed by Mayor Bloomberg in an effort to curb obesity rates, will not affect dairy beverages, alcoholic potations, juice, or... MORE »
In a shocking revelation, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney suggested that President Obama has purged God from his heart, citing Obama’s last minute request to reinsert ‘God’ into the platform at the DNC convention after it had been removed. Progressive blogger and Unitarian Pastor Kimberly Blume-Jackson rebutted, “How dare Romney or anyone else say the... MORE »
Well, friends, it’s been a hell of a journey. But the world’s number 1 comedy source for the past six months or so has officially run dry. Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has “suspended” his campaign, forcing political satirists to stay at work past 5pm for the first time since he announced his candidacy.... MORE »