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“Expert’s Research” Reveals Key to Guaranteed Hookups
We’ve all had hook ups, (or at least now we’re all in agreement that I’m cool enough to have had them) but recent studies tell us these hookups commence for reasons outside of what conventional wisdom, and common sense, would have us believe. According to research conducted by young men all across the country, being... MORE »
Jesus Misses Easter, Too Hungover
After 3 straight days of partying, Jesus Christ, 33, awoke yesterday on April 8 to realize something awful – he had missed Easter. “I literally remember nothing about the past 3 days,” Jesus said to our crack-investigative team. “And then I woke up yesterday with the worst Dad-damn headache I’ve ever had... MORE »
Studying “Party Girl” Annoyed With Loud Drunks Outside
Anita Wetcrotch, a junior at Ramapo College, has a physics test tomorrow. You might not know her by name, but you may recognize her from her various roles around campus: The girl who’s sleeping with the baseball team The trashed girl at the party The obnoxious girl screaming outside of your window past 2am The... MORE »
Cuse Weekend in a Box!
Feeling like you really want to head to the bars this weekend but don’t have the oomph? Can’t justify the trek from Ackerman to Faegans in the chilly temps? Wish you could simply have the Chucks experience in your living room? Then fear no more ““ Campus Basement is here to service you (and your... MORE »
“Open Mike Night” not the same as “Open Mic Night” says Medical Student
A dozen or so eager students arrived in the basement of the Medical Sciences Building last night with acoustic guitars and crumpled notebook pages heavy with the ink of fresh poetry. The sudden appearance of knit caps and Chuck Taylor’s amongst the sea of surgical scrubs and face masks surprised the med students, who were... MORE »
What Your New Years Plans Say About You (Cuse)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! College students, behold, one of the best creations our society has bestowed upon us: New Years Eve. Alas, the day in which we ring in the new... MORE »
Whispers Bar Mitzvah
I just walked into Whispers Café and saw the Bar Mitzvah party of the century taking place. Wish I was invited. MORE »
Marching Mizzou feels like “Party Rockin’”
Our marching band “Marching Mizzou” has struggled to gain the respect they deserve. It could be the obnoxious fuzzy hats, the anime band nerd stereotype or that their half time shows include music from the dark ages. But as the band has recently added “I just had sex,” to their playlist, they’ve found a way... MORE »