tagged obama »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
November 6, 2012

Local Uninformed Idiot Guilted Into Voting By Facebook Friends

Election Day: Local dimwit John Thurpwood was guilt-tripped by his Facebook friends into visiting his designated polling place and voting in the US presidential election today, despite not knowing anything about the candidates or their positions on various political issues. “I wasn’t really going to vote since I’m not into politics and I didn’t watch... MORE »

Article by kevinmodelski
November 5, 2012

Plaza 900 Grille to become slaughterhouse

The popular University of Missouri dining hall Plaza 900 will turn its Grille station into a legitimate slaughterhouse. Mizzou Dining Hall Director Jared Harris said that the new slaughterhouse came as inspiration from his experience from eating and working at the Plaza 900 Grille. “I’ve been working at Plaza for quite some time, and the... MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
October 23, 2012

Obama and Romney Agree to Disagree, Cancel Final Debate

US presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have mutually decided to cancel the final televised debate tonight, citing the fact that no matter how much they argue back and forth, there’s really nothing they can say at this point that will change each other’s or viewers’ minds and they should probably just go ahead... MORE »

Article by kevinmodelski
October 19, 2012

Third Presidential Debate cancelled; Presidential Cage Match to be held instead

Only a few days after the second Presidential debate between President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney, the third debate was cancelled and will be replaced with the first ever Presidential Cage Fight. The United States Debate Organizer Squad (USDOS) conceived the idea after watching Romney and Obama exchange trash talk during the previous debate,... MORE »

Article by sonovabeach
October 16, 2012

The WashU Student Body- An Undecided Voting Bloc

Besides the stars and stripes trend in fashion, the Cards making it to October, and our God-given right to buy 64 oz. cups of soda, there is another reason to love AMURRICA. Guilt forces us into a high school gymnasium, patrolled by the local Council on Aging, to check off a box on a sheet... MORE »

Article by amcguire
October 14, 2012 1 Comment

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Why Does Obama Keep Coming to the U?

Heeee’s Baraaacck! That’s right ladies and gentleman, President Barack Obama has made yet another trip down to the U—his 3rd visit in only 8 months…Coincidence?  I THINK NOT!  The Miami basement staff is determined to leave no ROCK unturned and to expose our President’s secret motives. 1.    Love child with Donna Shalala You heard it... MORE »

Article by Crispy Spumoni
September 13, 2012

Romney Says Obama is Anti-Christ

In a shocking revelation, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney suggested that President Obama has purged God from his heart, citing Obama’s last minute request to reinsert ‘God’ into the platform at the DNC convention after it had been removed. Progressive blogger and Unitarian Pastor Kimberly Blume-Jackson rebutted, “How dare Romney or anyone else say the... MORE »

Article by BradBabendir
July 15, 2012

Sean “Jay-Z” Carter announces Presidential Candidacy

  The 2012 Presidential race has been shaping up to be an ugly, close race since its outset, but one man has turned the campaigns on their heads: Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter. Carter announced his plans to run for President on Monday, his presumed running partner being Kanye West. Carter has been a hip-hop mogul for some... MORE »