tagged mizzou »

Article by drewthegoose
May 3, 2012

MU Bookstore Swears Your Textbooks Are Only Worth $20

The University of Missouri bookstore released a statement last night regarding a backlash of disapproval, stating that their textbook return policy has always been fair and that “Twenty dollars is a pretty decent return” for most textbooks. For many students, the end of the year came from out of nowhere, mauling motivation to study whilst... MORE »

Article by ScottTheCasbah
April 26, 2012

Romney Flushes Gingrich

After a long, hard struggle Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has finally pushed out Newt Gingrich. Romney promptly flushed Gingrich and lit a match, for fear that Newt would smell up the place. MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
April 25, 2012

Sorority Girl Sets Record for Most Walks-of-Shame

Recent reports indicate that a sorority girl at the University of Missouri has broken the all-time record for most walks-of-shame in a single career. Lucy Horowitz, a sophomore at Mizzou, held a press conference yesterday regarding her incredible feat. “I’d like to thank my mother and my father,” she said. “Without their lack of quality... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
April 17, 2012

Debate Heats Up Over “Right to Drop” at Mizzou

A recent debate has been the cause for tension at the University of Missouri as people fight over the right for students to drop classes during the semester. Tensions have risen over the course of the spring semester regarding an age-old debate concerning dropped classes. As a result, two opposing camps have emerged representing either... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
April 14, 2012

MU Student Diagnosed with Scurvy, Swears He isn’t a Pirate

Reports indicate that a University of Missouri student was diagnosed with the disease known as scurvy late Friday night, and that he is denying claims that he is a pirate. Scurvy is a mostly historical disease caused by a deficiency in vitamin C, but could also be brought on by a diet lacking in nutritional... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
April 7, 2012

Companies Looking to Hire Individuals that Wear Expensive Clothing Brands

A recent study conducted by the University of Missouri revealed a new trend in the business world where companies are making employment decisions based on the clothing that applicants wear. The study, conducted over an eighteen-month period, yielded unexpected results for the researchers. “The most important traits for hiring new employees have pretty much remained... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
March 24, 2012

Student Gets Absolutely Ripped Week Before Spring Break

A University of Missouri student reportedly shed thirty pounds of weight, only to put on fifteen pounds of lean muscle in the week preceding spring break. The student, Sean Jensen, is a sophomore at the university. Originally clocking in at 215lbs, Jensen faced ridicule from his fraternity brothers. “Yea, they weren’t very supportive of my... MORE »

Article by Shermysherm11
March 17, 2012

One-Liners of the Week!

Cross country runner turns into pile of sticks Tiny dancer actually kind of fat Flat branch restaurant not actually frat branch, disappointed squirrel discovers Spanish turns out to be kind of a dick, no longer a romance language Local Satirist Runs Out of Ideas Smug Pile of Rags Mistaken For Journalism Student Mac pulls partnership... MORE »