tagged mizzou »

Article by drewthegoose
September 28, 2012

ESPN’s Mel Kiper Jr. Sues Mitt Romney for Hairstyle Copyright Infringement

Mel Kiper Jr. filed suit against Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney Friday for hairstyle copyright infringement. Kiper, the senior NFL draft analyst for ESPN, held a press conference at 8 a.m. Friday to announce his lawsuit. Kiper claimed that Romney’s hairstyle was a blatant copycat of his “legendary locks.” “After looking at several hours of... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
September 22, 2012

Student’s Career Orientation Called Into Question

A University of Missouri student’s career orientation was called into question Friday by friends and family. Rudyard Bowen, a sophomore at MU, claims that he has been a business major for the last two years. While the University isn’t allowed to yield sensitive information, friends of Bowen say that the evidence against his claim is... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
September 21, 2012

‎Balding Student Insists that He “Really Doesn’t Care,” Friends Remain Skeptical

A University of Missouri student faced scrutiny Wednesday after insisting that he is indifferent to losing his hair. Ben Beyer, a junior at MU, claims that he began balding his senior year of high school. After learning that his head was naturally nairing itself, he said that decided to move on and build a life... MORE »

Article by natkirst
September 13, 2012

9 Out Of 10 Cleaning Crew Members Report Complete Job Satisfaction

A recent survey done by the National Allegiance for People that Clean Other People’s Shit Up (NAPCOPSU) reports that 9 out of every 10 members of The University of Missouri’s residence hall cleaning crew absolutely love their job. Not that this came as a shock to the thousands of student that they serve. “Every morning... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
September 12, 2012

Fraternity Fails to Understand Irony Concerning Communal Beer Plan

A fraternity at the University of Missouri failed Friday to understand the irony behind their communal beer plan. The fraternity, Alpha Sigma Sigma, made a decision Thursday to have every one of their members chip in $10 to buy beer for their tailgate. “We wanted to have enough beer for all of the chicas,” member... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
September 7, 2012

Two Sophomores Plan World’s Best Dorm Party

Two Mizzou undergrads began preparations Wednesday for the world’s “sickest” dorm party in history. Griff Harper, the mastermind behind the party plans, said that he came up with the idea in 2011 when he was a freshman living in Mark Twain Residence Hall. “I was having a pretty naughty dream one night, when all of... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
August 30, 2012

Millions Rejoice As Campus Basement Returns

A riot took place Tuesday night after students at the University of Missouri realized that Campus Basement had returned from their summer hiatus. The riot began at approximately 6 p.m. and lasted until early Wednesday morning. Campus police reported over 5 million participants in the riot, which is over 50 times the population of Columbia.... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
July 18, 2012

Incoming Freshman’s Head Explodes During Summer Welcome

A freshman at the University of Missouri died Tuesday morning after his head spontaneously combusted during Summer Welcome. The victim, Rick Gerund, was on a tour of the MU campus when his head exploded without warning. The incident left many individuals in shock due to the rareness of the case. However, tour guide leader Justin... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
June 14, 2012

Food Helps Explain Euro Crisis to Americans, Study Says

A recent study conducted at the University of Missouri revealed that the best way to explain the current economic European crisis to uninformed Americans is by putting the issues in terms of the cuisines native to each country. Ben Beyer, the head researcher for the study, suggested that the findings demonstrate how little Americans know... MORE »